Feb 10 (A Song Dedicated)

Today hung out with Molly after attending a wedding ceremony of a friend. It was raining alil and i forgot to bring along an umbrella. How dumb of meh ;3 and also forgot to ask Molly to bring her's along. Lol she some more asked me why i bother picking her up from below her voiddeck even if i dont have an umbrella. And honestly, I don't have an answer. I just thought of picking you up leh. > .>"

Afterwards matao a cig with Molly which she bought LD. saying cuz its my fav. She knows that i hate paul Mall and she loves it but she bought LD just for me? I don't mind la really. Cuz at first i figured i wanna like let her take all the cigs for herself. She wanna matao and she still bought LD. Like buy what you like la! ahaha..Well no matter la. I suppose i should make our friendship full of equals. Like err..I should really not like give her my all. Even tho i kinda like have a crush on her. Dunno why ah x3 She's like Miss Perfect to me somehow > .> ik nobody's perfect. However she makes me happy so whatever. idc.

I don't know really...ik i should'nt be too nice to her cuz people tend to take advantage of "Nice" people. Ik cuz i've been taken advantage of more then once. I sorta trust her. But she dont trust me. I did told her that i wanna form a trusting friendship between us but she kinda just laughed. Figured she didn't took me seriously. But i hope in time she will cuz i honestly am Serious about it. I find it hard to believe it also but she's prolly the first person i'm serious about. Misa didn't really deserved my care cuz she's like....a fucking bitch so yea. Lol i'm complaining like a chick sia. Haha whatever tho. I just care for Molly and that's that.

While slacking under the shelter there she played some songs but forgot to bring along her Cappo/Capo for her guitar and complained that most of her songs wouldn't sound nice without it. Hell i wouldn't know  as i don't know how to play a guitar. LOL. kk moving on.

She then dedicated a song to me which was ermm.."Everytime i think of you i got a shot something something song" I'd search the title of the song but...i'm too tired leh x3 sorry hor. Just got back sia and its 3am alrdy. Hung out with Billy for abit.

Molly then asked me questions like am i a good kisser and all. How the hell should i know? then she asked me to kiss her hand...so i did. Then she asked me to french kiss my hand which i didn't cuz it like disgusting like that sia. eww. Seriously Molly x]

 And then like things went on Normally. I did enjoy her company..but still kinda felt lonely tho. I don't quiet know who i am to her yet..and that kinda..scares me. Haizz...Toodles! :D

Feb 9th (A Poem For You YO!)

Today was preety much dull i suppose. I was working today and went back exhausted. Traded some texts with Molly. Promised to meet her tomorrow which is the tenth of feb. She actually made a deal that the next time we'll meet, she'd like to make it convenient for me and will be hanging out in my neighborhood which is in Bedok Riservoir. However, I would'nt wanna trouble her. Damn i'm too fucking nice sia. So yea, decided to hang out near her place in Semei to make it convenient for her.

She asked me to help take a vid of her while she sings. Molly has a nice voice and i'll gladly be her camera men. So long as she's happy, So am i. And i hope i'll stay this way and won't change. Still thinking of a Nickname for her. One that only i'll be using. Molly was the first one i decided on, However some of her friends used to call her that so that won't make it any special to me. I decided with Lynn or Lin since its part of her name. Lin is at least. They sound the same so who care's right? However, she didn't like that name so fuck it x3 Guess i'll still have to think about it.

Oh yea, I made a Poem for her while at work. it goes like this.
I wrote your name on the sands and the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name on the skies and the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name on my heart and forever it will stay.
Awsum right!?!? x3 ik ik.

Hmm what else was there? oh yea. I am planning to update this blog for as long as i'm close with Molly. Cuz i love her and all. She can't know tho. I would'nt want her to know. Not now at least. Its hard enough to stay friends with someone whom you're falling for. I scolded myself everytime i think of her because i wanna remind myself that i'm striving to be her bestfriend. However my heart is a bitch and thinks otherwise. The heartache of not being in love with her is a terrible ache which i have to deal with everytime.

I suppose its just a small price to pay. She's beginning to become special to me. I love her personality. I love the fact that she's faithful in friendships and relationships. That's why she's special to me and i'd do anything to make her smile. I know i'm not a funny guy to make her laugh and all. Still, I wanna make the effort to try. Damn. Tch watch meh x3 i'll make her happy. I'm sure. Well that's all for tonight. If i don't update this blog regularly, i have no rights to love Molly. I'll prove my love by my efforts and dedication. I'm just worried i might change one day. Damn me. :I

Feb 8th (A Good Day to Die HARD)

I decided that i'll just keep the expression of heartaches to myself. - .-

Today i went to watch a movie with Marly. it was a good day to die hard. Its a good movie i'd say. I cried in the Middle of the movie when the son accepted his father. Knowing how i'll never come to accept my dad that way. After he fucked up everything. Well that's just me. 

She was beautiful. And somehow, i came back to how i was last year. I remembered enjoying seeing her smile. which is a challenge to make her to smile. aha i guess its a price to pay for such a rewarding sight to her smile.

We were both tired afterwards as the movie ended around 11:20pm. We went straight to the bus stop and took our seperate busses. My goals after today will be to form a Trusting friendship between us. I want her to trust me and i also want to trust her. What are friends if they don't trust each other? For now, i still feel someone like a stranger to her without any form of trust. I'll given the most effort i'll be able to provide. 

My second Goal is to get a friendship band between the two of us. However, i'll wait till about four months before getting one. aha..damn me..

GoodNight Marly. 

Feb 7 (I fucked it up)

With the determination to ensure that bob stopped touching Marly, I spoke out. It started with a dream while i was taking a nap in the bus otw to school. I dreamed seeing marly crying and shaking with fear. That was all i can rememeber before waking up with anger. I was pissed...Determined. I damned anyone who'll make her cry. who am i to say that...

After i arrived in class i immediately talked to bob outside of the class and he Promised that he'll stop touching Marly. That actually took a weight of my heart which felt like it was pinned by a heavy concrete block before. Hearing him promise is like being revived. Worries disappearing. Problems fading away and knowing that Marly would be safe from being touched is enough for me.

but, Somehow i felt as if that wasn't the right thing to do. It felt as if i caused a distancing between bob's and marly's friendship. I don't want to be a burden to her. Knowing how little friends she has in class. It's a bad move for me to cause their friendship to distance itself.

I hate myself afterwards.
Damn the image of a knight in shining armor. i fucking caused her more problems. Dammit. What's wrong with me..

Feb 6th (The Two Stargazers)

I met up with Marly. However this time, it was just the two of us. We met up at semei. It was raining and i brought along an umbrella which i used to shelter her. I didn't care of i was out of the shelter of my umbrella and was alil wet. So long as she's fully sheltered by the umbrella and  won't fall ill.

Pethetic isen't it? I'm giving my all. Not even worrying about myself. Can't help it really. I love her. Well that was that. Afterwards she showed me her sunset. It's a Place which is peaceful and has a great view of a field. It was wet however and there was alil slight rain. So we decided to find shelter. We sat down and talked about our past. She told me of one of her female friends that she'd pushed away. They planned to head over to Johor for a day. Marly planned to surprise her with a train ride ticket for the two of them to take to johor and a book with some flowers. The friend of her's however cancelled the planned two-one days before their trip. With the excuse of having not enough money. Marly was dissapointed but handed the book to her with a help of a friend to do it.

I've felt the same way before. Being unappreciated, Left alone, Abandoned. However, We should always keep our heads up high and move on. Fight on Marly! :3

She also explained what happened to Syafiq and how the other guy left.
Syafiq changed totally and left Marly after all she done for him. I was dissapointed and a slight of anger. However, knowing how love change people, Who am i to be angry? i've left her before aswell....I'm no different.

But, She did wear a tank top and a 1990's type of Jeans with small patches of Candy which i find preety neat ;)

She also told me about how a classmate of our's
"Bob" which everyone calls him was recently taking his chances to touch him. She didn't like it, So do i. I told her to take a stand and tell him straight out to stop touching her. No touchie bItch! >:( However, I had the feeling that she'll only speak out once after he touched her again. I didn't tell her at that point however, But i planned to Speak out for her.

We went our ways home. And my love grew for her. I hate that. Fuck my love. I don't want it dammit. There's no chance i'll be with Marly so why bother....i just wanna be friends with her. i don't want to fall in love with her. Fuck me why do i have to suffer because of my own
Feelings?

There's no way to help it but to hope that my feelings disappears and to continue on and pretend to not have any feelings for her. Knowing me, It'll be impossible for me to get over her for since i'm almost meeting her everyday, And everyday with her just helps grows the feelings for her. I don't want it....i don't want to fall in love with her....i don't want to feel heartbroken. i hate my emotions. Damn farid get the fuck over with it goddammit.

Chapter 2 Part 1

It's 2013 and our Friendship continued. Now however, i still feel as if it restarted. I forgot who i was when i was with her back then. I forgot who she was. and i question myself who i should be. A Mask on my face.

Some things did change however, New Desires came about. That is happiness. ive known that she has been unappreciated and ditched by friends. Which was why i wanted to be someone who's there for her through ups and downs.

The first time we hung out with each other was dated fifth of February which was a Tuesday. Syabil was there and we hung out in Semei. We talked alil and she played her guitar which she was skilled at with afew more practices she will. Syabil taught her to play Avenged Sevenfold Soo far away. She caught on fast since she's used to the cords.

We then played a game which i personally think the name "Senerio" fits perfectly. A Senerio is given to the player. for example, You're on a date with your girlfriend. You're in a restaurant and soon, she said she wanted to go to the restroom. You waited. she took a long time to return however, You soon decided to look for her. To your surprise, You found her smoking outside beside the Toilet at a smoking corner. She had never smoked before. When you confronted her, She walks away. You'll either catch her and demand answers or just walked back into with her. When you finally had your answers, you were told that she's about to study overseas as is the will of her dad/parents. She's pressured and didn't want to leave you.

That's partly how the story goes. Its interesting and i'll treasure it.
After that Senerio game with Syabil, I happened to ask her about the Promises to her which i've broken. It was a promise i should never have forgotten-ed. A Promise that drained along with my old self. It was a promise that i'll never leave her.

I was stunned.
The Guilt of forgetting a Promise.
I hate the feeling. I hate myself. And i could'nt forgive myself.

But it was also the day that we shattered the Wall of Misunderstandings between us. Our Friendship starts here.

Chapter 1 Part 3

I was sure that she was pissed at me as her work pass took awhile to be ready for use. And i did told the supervisor to give me a call whenever the pass is ready for collection. However she didn't gave that call. Marly gave a call to the company and got the news that her pass had already been made and was waiting for collection for a few weeks. I was sure that Marly didn't trust me at that point. 

I took that as my fault and wouldn't blame her. However, to me, That supervisor caused our friendship to halt. It was kept in the dark and the two of us didn't talked to each other. my heart tore apart. The pain i felt, The Sadness i felt. Trying hard to get close to her and thus, This was the conclusion of my efforts. We stopped talking with each other...and we stopped going to the gym. I cried for her and all the pain i gathered burst out.

I changed and i forgot who i was. i lost all sense of love for her and i lost all chance of hope to be anything in her precious life i adored. I forgot who i was. Instead, I soon re-patched with an ex of mine.

Soon the year of 2012 came to an end and i stayed together with my ex. Still thinking about Marly once in awhile. I didn't know if i love Misa (My ex). I didn't know who i was. i was heartless. I couldn't care less of how much she loved me. Perhaps i didn't trust Misa as she wronged me once. But she paid a heavy price for her mistake and everyone deserved a second chance. Because of the silence between me and Marly. My feelings for her faded away and the things we did together was kept in the darkest corners of my heart. Deep within the Depts where sorrow laid. The Duct where the Dark memories i tried to forget sips in and lay await to rise when i'm venerable once again.

Things between me and Misa soon ended at the same time when i started talking with Marly again. Marly knew i used to love her and she rejected in a nice way which i don't mind. However, I know i'll turn into my old self again soon. Pulling back the sweet Memories that used to hurt me back into a place in my heart. A place where Memories are cherished and Loved to be recalled. 

I decided that it's best to keep my feelings hidden and put on a mask. A Mask to keep my feeling hidden. A Mask that hides the Kid that Loves her, Into the Kid that only wants to be her best friend. I don't know if keeping my love for her hidden is a good way. I don't want past mistakes to happen again. What other choice do i have? It's already 2013 and it feels like fate has pulled us together again. And i have to put this mask on. For her and our friendship.