We didn't have classes today which is a friday. And today was the day which i've decided on sharing a friendship band together.
Mat up with her at twelve and we sat down under a shelter. i was nervous when she read the letter which i wrote for her. Hell i must also agree that the Lollipops i gave her was alil too much but i can't seem to find any other way to express how much i wanna be a friend to her.
All these while, Even with her company, It never once felt to me like we were truly friends. There was still that slight tint of feeling that i was still a stranger to her. She lost alot of friends before and that caused her to worry that i might do the same to her. It was a feeling to me like there's no trust in our "Friendship". To me, She's a great friend but i worry that she might back away without the trust in our friendship.
I'm sure that i won't leave her but, i don't know if she'll feel the same way. Hopefully, our friendship band might be enough to bound us together and wrap a sense of "Trust" into our friendship.
Since her uncle is hospitalized, I didn't wanna take too much of her time and i hope for the best that her Uncle will be in safe hands and will make a fast recovery. Have faith Molly.
These are just one of the things i can't help her with and though i feel hopeless, There's nothing i can do but just give words of faith.
I promised her that this blog will be in her reach on her birthday. July 19th. If i save $50 for my every pay day, I'd save $250 by july and that's for her birthday which ive decided on buying Doc Martin's Tessles Loafers for her. And thus, since i'll be passing this blog to her sooner then having to wait for my NS, i'd have to stop putting in my nevermind :)
Keeping it forbidden. Our friendship is more important then my feelings. Her Happiness tops it all. Keep that in mind Farid.
She planned to buy me GTA5 but that'll come out by April which is after my birthday. I don't care that much for a birthday present and i don't want to trouble her for a present which is why i don't really care that much.
So don't waste your money on me Molly :) i'm happy enough trying to make you happy.
Because you are..my great friend.
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Feb 14 (Her Tears) Part 2
After i asked her about her Wishlist, The Conversation suddenly changed when she asked me about my ex. I told her the whole story of how i met my ex and all. And then, I asked something i regretted. I asked about her's. Her ex, Her friends.
She broke into tears as she missed the ones she used to be close with. I was heartbroken when i saw her tears. I know how she feels like to be abandoned and forgotten-ed. I followed with her tears. All i knew at that point was that i wanted to make up to her for all that they did to her.
I wanna make her feel loved, Appreciated but most of all, I want her to be happy. For her to be smiling always and not recalling her dark past. It'll take time and i don't mind waiting for an eternity. So long as i know she'll have that smile on her face one day. A genuine smile.
I don't need her to accept my love, I don't need her to do anything at all. I just want her to be happy. God knows how precious she is to me. She also told me that she did thought about just throwing everything she has now. Throwing me away and being alone as she's worried that i might end up being like everyone else. That i might one day just leave and forget about her.
I made a promise Molly. And i want to keep it. Trust me is what i also want from you. Though it saddens me to hear it, I don't ever want you to give up on me. Have faith in what i'm striving for. Please.
Which is why i've decided that i'll give her one of a pair of friendship bands that i bought earlier. Hoping that a friendship band which i'll be wearing everyday be able to make her feel at ease knowing that as long as i wear the Band, I'll be showing that i'm still treasuring what we have. Along with that, I'll be giving her a large case of Fruit flavored Lolipops. About fifteen of them. Fuck the cost, I want her to feel happy about it and share it with Dania and her sisters.
I'll also write her a letter telling her what i want most. For her to be happy and not losing faith in me. In hopes that i will make her feel happy one day. I can't see you crying Marly. I can't stand seeing you sad. I feel like i wanna cry when i'm typing this post. Promise me you won't dwell on your past Marly.
We also ate lunch together at Gaylang Food Court. We both had an Indonesian Dish which i forgot it's name. Cost alot but i suppose it was alright. I'll be keeping my feelings for her hidden. Though it hurts, I won't let it stand in the way of attaining her happiness.
GoodNight Marly. I love you.
She broke into tears as she missed the ones she used to be close with. I was heartbroken when i saw her tears. I know how she feels like to be abandoned and forgotten-ed. I followed with her tears. All i knew at that point was that i wanted to make up to her for all that they did to her.
I wanna make her feel loved, Appreciated but most of all, I want her to be happy. For her to be smiling always and not recalling her dark past. It'll take time and i don't mind waiting for an eternity. So long as i know she'll have that smile on her face one day. A genuine smile.
I don't need her to accept my love, I don't need her to do anything at all. I just want her to be happy. God knows how precious she is to me. She also told me that she did thought about just throwing everything she has now. Throwing me away and being alone as she's worried that i might end up being like everyone else. That i might one day just leave and forget about her.
I made a promise Molly. And i want to keep it. Trust me is what i also want from you. Though it saddens me to hear it, I don't ever want you to give up on me. Have faith in what i'm striving for. Please.
Which is why i've decided that i'll give her one of a pair of friendship bands that i bought earlier. Hoping that a friendship band which i'll be wearing everyday be able to make her feel at ease knowing that as long as i wear the Band, I'll be showing that i'm still treasuring what we have. Along with that, I'll be giving her a large case of Fruit flavored Lolipops. About fifteen of them. Fuck the cost, I want her to feel happy about it and share it with Dania and her sisters.
I'll also write her a letter telling her what i want most. For her to be happy and not losing faith in me. In hopes that i will make her feel happy one day. I can't see you crying Marly. I can't stand seeing you sad. I feel like i wanna cry when i'm typing this post. Promise me you won't dwell on your past Marly.
We also ate lunch together at Gaylang Food Court. We both had an Indonesian Dish which i forgot it's name. Cost alot but i suppose it was alright. I'll be keeping my feelings for her hidden. Though it hurts, I won't let it stand in the way of attaining her happiness.
GoodNight Marly. I love you.
Feb 14 (Her Wishlist)
Today is Valentines day. The day started pretty much fun. I saw Dania while she was waiting for her school bus and heard her soft cute voice calling out "Farid" :) And when Molly came down, She passed me a Heartwarming letter. It reads...
All i knew was that he was Handsome and gracious, and i enjoyed being with him very much
Dear Farid
Happy Valentines day!
I would Like to thank-you for being sucha wonderful friend to me.
This is just the beginning.
I wouldn't trade it for anything, your friendship! Loving others do not compare to you.
Luv Yuh.
That was what she wrote. I felt bad enough not giving her anything for Valentines day as our religion forbids us celebrating it. Somehow? Which was why i had to repay her somehow.
In class, Molly ate a Wonka kinda lolipop which she loves. Its not sold in Singapore as far as im aware. But that didn't stop me from trying to find it after school.
At break however, we spent it in the library. I asked her about her wishlist and finally had afew ideas.
-A Black Headphones.
We all know earpieces can't be compared to the power of sound that a headphone can give.
-A Black Sized 8-9 Doc Martin's Tessles Loafers.
It will cost me about $240 but since its her birthday, I wouldn't mind spending any sum of money. Problem is, She'll ask her family for it on her birthday and i'm worried that her family might also buy it for her. Then she'll have two of them. o. O
-A PullOver Sweater with a Cross on it.
No Comment :)
-A Cheap Monday White T-Shirt/Shirt.
-A Cheap Monday Beanie.
If i were to pick one of Cheap Monday's, I'd rather buy her both just to make for the most.
And lastly, A Doc Martin Sandals. (She would'nt be able to wear it often but who knows?)
All i knew was that he was Handsome and gracious, and i enjoyed being with him very much
Dear Farid
Happy Valentines day!
I would Like to thank-you for being sucha wonderful friend to me.
This is just the beginning.
I wouldn't trade it for anything, your friendship! Loving others do not compare to you.
Luv Yuh.
That was what she wrote. I felt bad enough not giving her anything for Valentines day as our religion forbids us celebrating it. Somehow? Which was why i had to repay her somehow.
In class, Molly ate a Wonka kinda lolipop which she loves. Its not sold in Singapore as far as im aware. But that didn't stop me from trying to find it after school.
At break however, we spent it in the library. I asked her about her wishlist and finally had afew ideas.
-A Black Headphones.
We all know earpieces can't be compared to the power of sound that a headphone can give.
-A Black Sized 8-9 Doc Martin's Tessles Loafers.
It will cost me about $240 but since its her birthday, I wouldn't mind spending any sum of money. Problem is, She'll ask her family for it on her birthday and i'm worried that her family might also buy it for her. Then she'll have two of them. o. O
-A PullOver Sweater with a Cross on it.
No Comment :)
-A Cheap Monday White T-Shirt/Shirt.
-A Cheap Monday Beanie.
If i were to pick one of Cheap Monday's, I'd rather buy her both just to make for the most.
And lastly, A Doc Martin Sandals. (She would'nt be able to wear it often but who knows?)
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
Feb 13 (My Forbidden Feelings?) Part 3
just afew hours ago, i text-ed her asking if i could pick her up tomorrow morning just like i did today. She replied with. ":) aren't you nt tired? why are you doing all this fr me?"
And i replied with "You're a great friend to me so i don't mind at all. :)"
That wasn't my honest response though and i can't let her know that i still keep feelings for her. It does hurt to keep my true feelings hidden but sacrifices has to be made to build a strong friendship with her.
I suppose when Molly reads this...I'd already be in NS or somehow we've walked our separate paths. I also wanna apologize for not telling you my true feelings, Its not that i didn't want to be honest with you. But i'm actually scared. I'm scared that my feelings my threaten our friendship. One that i don't think will be re-mended in time. Its like a rope that's connecting us together. Saying out my true feelings is the same as pouring fuel onto the rope and Rejection is lighting the rope in flames. That's what i picture in my mind. And i'm scared it'll happen should i tell you the truth.
Damn :) There's alot of things i admire about you Molly. And they are the ones that i feel like i can't let you know. Not now. Maybe not ever. However, If it makes you happy so be it.
Honestly, I'm giving myself to you and i don't know if i should do this. I mean, i can't even believe that i'm updating this Blog every night.
But this is the only place where i can truly express my feelings. You'll read this one day and god knows where i might be. I'm just happy to have you around Molly. ;) I want you by my side. I'll be giving you the extra push you'll need to move on and i don't think i'll want anything in return. Screw my feelings, Screw everything. I suppose what matters now is to just see you smile. Aha. I'm pathetic. Who would've though i'd be like this? but on the bright side, I don't think what i'm doing is weird. urgh fuck that x3 who cares.
I don't so nobody should. I suppose that's all for today's update. I'd hope to pick you up in the Morning. GoodNight Molly :) Seeya in da morning.
And i replied with "You're a great friend to me so i don't mind at all. :)"
That wasn't my honest response though and i can't let her know that i still keep feelings for her. It does hurt to keep my true feelings hidden but sacrifices has to be made to build a strong friendship with her.
I suppose when Molly reads this...I'd already be in NS or somehow we've walked our separate paths. I also wanna apologize for not telling you my true feelings, Its not that i didn't want to be honest with you. But i'm actually scared. I'm scared that my feelings my threaten our friendship. One that i don't think will be re-mended in time. Its like a rope that's connecting us together. Saying out my true feelings is the same as pouring fuel onto the rope and Rejection is lighting the rope in flames. That's what i picture in my mind. And i'm scared it'll happen should i tell you the truth.
Damn :) There's alot of things i admire about you Molly. And they are the ones that i feel like i can't let you know. Not now. Maybe not ever. However, If it makes you happy so be it.
Honestly, I'm giving myself to you and i don't know if i should do this. I mean, i can't even believe that i'm updating this Blog every night.
But this is the only place where i can truly express my feelings. You'll read this one day and god knows where i might be. I'm just happy to have you around Molly. ;) I want you by my side. I'll be giving you the extra push you'll need to move on and i don't think i'll want anything in return. Screw my feelings, Screw everything. I suppose what matters now is to just see you smile. Aha. I'm pathetic. Who would've though i'd be like this? but on the bright side, I don't think what i'm doing is weird. urgh fuck that x3 who cares.
I don't so nobody should. I suppose that's all for today's update. I'd hope to pick you up in the Morning. GoodNight Molly :) Seeya in da morning.
Feb 13 (Brow Treading) Part 2
That was what i felt for her today. She was also competitive when it comes to games. We played the card based Monopoly game against each other. And tbh, it can get Frustrating when she's rushing you when you're trying to plan out your next move. Girl...Seriously! xD i gotta figure out how to play my cards right >:(
But she's a fun opponent and hands down, i lost to her. Not sure if its a fair match. I won't deny that. I still think she's cheating tho x3 maybe i'm being a sore loser. who knows?
After school, She invited me to accompany her to Little India where she wanna get a brow treading. And her 2nd sister will be there. Still didn't catch her name > .>
At first, i was shy. But i've also had planned to introduce her to my older sis one of these days so i suppose it'll only be fair for her if i'll also meet her Sis. So i agreed and accompanied her to meet her Sis. I don't know her name > .> yet..But she turns out to be a cool girl. Much of an Opposite of Molly. Totally Opposite x3 But such chemistry makes them a great sibling.
She cried during the whole treading process and i can't tell how painful it is so i had to bare with the Scene of her going through such pain. But she's a brave girl and i'm proud of you Molly. After some time, She decided that she had enough. However both me and her sis agreed that it still looked the same and that she should tread alil more. Which of coarse she'll have to bare some more of the pain. It hurts to watch her in pain but something snapped in me.
I realized or had already known for along time that Molly's beautiful. Both inside and outside and nothing that i know of can change that image of Molly in my heart. she always ask god to send a perfect guy to be with her. And all the while i was beside her thinking.."I'll try my best Molly ;)"
A line of her's that i'll be keeping at heart is to always have FAITH. Faith....perhaps the fact that she said that shows that she's slowly opening up and moving on from her dark and grim past. She also told me that she'll be my Pillar of Strength. Molly...I somehow still feel like something is keeping us apart. Two souls standing before each other but is separated by a glass wall. I can't connect with her heart. But that's just my fantasies speaking out of place.
Wow part 3 already O .o ;)
But she's a fun opponent and hands down, i lost to her. Not sure if its a fair match. I won't deny that. I still think she's cheating tho x3 maybe i'm being a sore loser. who knows?
After school, She invited me to accompany her to Little India where she wanna get a brow treading. And her 2nd sister will be there. Still didn't catch her name > .>
At first, i was shy. But i've also had planned to introduce her to my older sis one of these days so i suppose it'll only be fair for her if i'll also meet her Sis. So i agreed and accompanied her to meet her Sis. I don't know her name > .> yet..But she turns out to be a cool girl. Much of an Opposite of Molly. Totally Opposite x3 But such chemistry makes them a great sibling.
She cried during the whole treading process and i can't tell how painful it is so i had to bare with the Scene of her going through such pain. But she's a brave girl and i'm proud of you Molly. After some time, She decided that she had enough. However both me and her sis agreed that it still looked the same and that she should tread alil more. Which of coarse she'll have to bare some more of the pain. It hurts to watch her in pain but something snapped in me.
I realized or had already known for along time that Molly's beautiful. Both inside and outside and nothing that i know of can change that image of Molly in my heart. she always ask god to send a perfect guy to be with her. And all the while i was beside her thinking.."I'll try my best Molly ;)"
A line of her's that i'll be keeping at heart is to always have FAITH. Faith....perhaps the fact that she said that shows that she's slowly opening up and moving on from her dark and grim past. She also told me that she'll be my Pillar of Strength. Molly...I somehow still feel like something is keeping us apart. Two souls standing before each other but is separated by a glass wall. I can't connect with her heart. But that's just my fantasies speaking out of place.
Wow part 3 already O .o ;)
Feb 13 (Such Love)
Today has been preety hectic i suppose. Well when hasn't it been when she's around? Molly is an Exciting person to be with. With her wacky personality. She's really..fun.
i got up early today at around 5am just so i won't be late. Caught the first bus to her place at 6:20am O_o" Yup. Waited under her void deck and thus walked to the MRT station while smoking my first stick. Seriously, It was 6:45am and that was my first stick. I would've smoked right after i left home but i didn't ;D i wanted my first stick while walking with Molly to really have a worth. For that one stick to really Mean something. Like a reward of Patience? x3 Somewhat idk.
But yea, i was told that while waiting for her, her mom and Dania saw me waiting for her Dx i didn't saw them! seriously! T^T could've greeted them. I'm preety sure i'd be able to know Dania when i see her but sadly, I didn't saw them. Well that's that. Molly's mom also asked her where i lived, And Molly told her i live in Bedok Reservoir. Her mom's response.."Sanghup die datang sini?" Translate that to English and it'll be "He'd trouble himself to pick you up from that far?"
Yes madam i don't mind ;) well if you ask me why. Truth be told, I kinda still love Molly. The love for her re-emerged. But whenever Molly asked (Which she obviously did) i told her a lie. I told her that she's a great friend of mine and i don't mind. Truth is..You know ;) i..i love her i suppose. But then again, i suppose it's still to early to say i truly love her since i'm only starting to get to know her. So i suppose for now, I have a crush for her and i care about her.
I wanna make her Happy. However i'll be able to accomplish that. I hope i will. If i can't then i suppose being friends with her wouldn't be that bad. though i know that won't be enough for this damned heart of mine to accept with just being friends with her.
I didn't get the chance to ask her about her Wishlist. I have to ask her sooner or later. > 3>
She also did asked me about the Girls i hang out with. From the Pics she saw in my phone. I suppose the pictures of the girls close to me are Misa and Fadilla. She asked me why i didn't take my chances and try to date with them. aha in my mind i was like. "Because i'm in love with you dummy >:P. But then again, They're just friends. And..idk. Never felt that way about them. Well that's that. I don't feel that way about them. Molly's different however. I don't even know why i put in such efforts for her. I don't know myself anymore teehee. e__e
i got up early today at around 5am just so i won't be late. Caught the first bus to her place at 6:20am O_o" Yup. Waited under her void deck and thus walked to the MRT station while smoking my first stick. Seriously, It was 6:45am and that was my first stick. I would've smoked right after i left home but i didn't ;D i wanted my first stick while walking with Molly to really have a worth. For that one stick to really Mean something. Like a reward of Patience? x3 Somewhat idk.
But yea, i was told that while waiting for her, her mom and Dania saw me waiting for her Dx i didn't saw them! seriously! T^T could've greeted them. I'm preety sure i'd be able to know Dania when i see her but sadly, I didn't saw them. Well that's that. Molly's mom also asked her where i lived, And Molly told her i live in Bedok Reservoir. Her mom's response.."Sanghup die datang sini?" Translate that to English and it'll be "He'd trouble himself to pick you up from that far?"
Yes madam i don't mind ;) well if you ask me why. Truth be told, I kinda still love Molly. The love for her re-emerged. But whenever Molly asked (Which she obviously did) i told her a lie. I told her that she's a great friend of mine and i don't mind. Truth is..You know ;) i..i love her i suppose. But then again, i suppose it's still to early to say i truly love her since i'm only starting to get to know her. So i suppose for now, I have a crush for her and i care about her.
I wanna make her Happy. However i'll be able to accomplish that. I hope i will. If i can't then i suppose being friends with her wouldn't be that bad. though i know that won't be enough for this damned heart of mine to accept with just being friends with her.
I didn't get the chance to ask her about her Wishlist. I have to ask her sooner or later. > 3>
She also did asked me about the Girls i hang out with. From the Pics she saw in my phone. I suppose the pictures of the girls close to me are Misa and Fadilla. She asked me why i didn't take my chances and try to date with them. aha in my mind i was like. "Because i'm in love with you dummy >:P. But then again, They're just friends. And..idk. Never felt that way about them. Well that's that. I don't feel that way about them. Molly's different however. I don't even know why i put in such efforts for her. I don't know myself anymore teehee. e__e
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
Feb 12 (Magi Mee Together!!) PART 2!
So yea carry on from Part one ermm Molly ate her Bowl Of Mee fast sia. Like i dunno. like fast la! :D I think while i was on my 3rd Mouth, She finished alrdy. > .> i was busy blowing my food to cool it down. Not being a SlowPoke <. < Nvm la..idk idc...cheyy Step don't care only Farid Macam paham.
Oh yea FYI, I think i heard her mom said i look like Syafiq...Which Syafiq? o .o nvm nvm tmw can ask Molly. Eh but tmw's gonna be the first day which i'll be going to school with her sia! x3 Gonna beh picking her up at her place and we'll head to sch tgt by Train. ^^ If i can sacrifice my sleep of having to wake up SUPER early like at 5am and leave home at 5:45am then i suppose ive changed. And when i say Change as in like in the past i really never secrificed for anyone..even my ex sia. v .v farid what's going on with you...lol nothing bad i suppose. ^ .^ Well we'll see.
Molly been asking alot on GTA 5. Because its TOP of my wishlist..ohh GTA V please come to SIngapore asap. She asked on the Release Date, The Price and some other questions on GTA V. I find it weird to talk about games to a Girl. Somemore Molly don't look like she's a gamer. I dunno O__O
I dunno la maybe she wanna buy it as a gift for me lol Kembang sia..But no la. I don't like ppl giving me gifts. I love giving ppl gifts don't get me wrong but i dunno..I just don't like getting gifts from ppl. Like random Gifts la. If like Birthday gifts then i'll love it. But if random ones...I dunno. I'll appreciate it of coarse but...i'll feel bad somehow.
I'm thinking of what to get for her birthday sia..Which is in July still long but i'm already thinking of what to get for her. I want to it be special as its the First Birthday gift i'll be giving her so i'll put like a budget of $300-$500 Budget ^^. A Shoe? A Bag? Not sure yet....Q_Q Nvm lah ;) tmw can ask abt her Wishlist and i'll get some ideas from there.
Hmmm what else...Oh yea Gonna be playing Monopoly with her again tmw during our break. Gonna be winning her and will make her feel like a sore loser afterwards >:D err...I dunno :D
hmm. ^^ less then one month till my birthday yo! :D
Well Molly Molly Molly GoodaNito! Oyasuminasai! :D
Oh yea FYI, I think i heard her mom said i look like Syafiq...Which Syafiq? o .o nvm nvm tmw can ask Molly. Eh but tmw's gonna be the first day which i'll be going to school with her sia! x3 Gonna beh picking her up at her place and we'll head to sch tgt by Train. ^^ If i can sacrifice my sleep of having to wake up SUPER early like at 5am and leave home at 5:45am then i suppose ive changed. And when i say Change as in like in the past i really never secrificed for anyone..even my ex sia. v .v farid what's going on with you...lol nothing bad i suppose. ^ .^ Well we'll see.
Molly been asking alot on GTA 5. Because its TOP of my wishlist..ohh GTA V please come to SIngapore asap. She asked on the Release Date, The Price and some other questions on GTA V. I find it weird to talk about games to a Girl. Somemore Molly don't look like she's a gamer. I dunno O__O
I dunno la maybe she wanna buy it as a gift for me lol Kembang sia..But no la. I don't like ppl giving me gifts. I love giving ppl gifts don't get me wrong but i dunno..I just don't like getting gifts from ppl. Like random Gifts la. If like Birthday gifts then i'll love it. But if random ones...I dunno. I'll appreciate it of coarse but...i'll feel bad somehow.
I'm thinking of what to get for her birthday sia..Which is in July still long but i'm already thinking of what to get for her. I want to it be special as its the First Birthday gift i'll be giving her so i'll put like a budget of $300-$500 Budget ^^. A Shoe? A Bag? Not sure yet....Q_Q Nvm lah ;) tmw can ask abt her Wishlist and i'll get some ideas from there.
Hmmm what else...Oh yea Gonna be playing Monopoly with her again tmw during our break. Gonna be winning her and will make her feel like a sore loser afterwards >:D err...I dunno :D
hmm. ^^ less then one month till my birthday yo! :D
Well Molly Molly Molly GoodaNito! Oyasuminasai! :D
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