I have to keep believing that i'll gain trust in myself and Molly's Trust. I'll have to be myself and stop giving it my all just for her happiness, Doing that makes me happy but caring for her and not caring about myself isen't right. My goals of her happiness much also be for my own happiness. Seeing her happy is my happiness but its just me giving my all for her happiness alone and not caring about myself.
I've been trying soo hard just so that she'll trust me. But things has to change. I'll have to care for my own being. To care for myself.
Fifth March. The Day Commemorates our 1 month of friendship. We've came from Strangers to Friends. But there's still lack of Trust. We don't share things that normal friends do. We're just there for each other but never having that friendly closure. I'm only expecting too much for now and that's my loss. Farid be yourself and do things that makes you happy! :)
We've had alot of arguments and i must admit all of which started from me and my problematic attitude of keeping things and lying too much. Which is why i wanna change for the better. To be honest. To change into someone whom Molly trust, Someone whom care's for himself and others. I've always been putting others before myself and look where it had gotten me. Used by my ex and abandoned by former friends just because i'm starting to be myself and starting to have the attitude of putting myself before others. They expected too much from me. They just don't understand. I'm sick of always being used and taken for granted. Abandoned when i don't put them before myself. That's how Dan is and i don't know what's wrong with Luna. But what i want is to form a trusting friendship with Molly.
It's not about putting her before me. Its about being Truthful to her. Not keeping things hidden and suffering alone. Its about me sharing my joy and pain with her. Sharing things with her to help her understand me better. That way, she'll open up to me and slowly...slowly but surely, She'll open up to me. I'll have to understand that and understand the Painful past she had. I'll have to be understanding. That's one more thing i'd like to change into. An understand person who dosn't force people to do things my way. I've always shunned Sam's Demanding attitude where else i have the same attitude as him.
Other then that, i'd hope that tomorrow will be a better day when i'll have work on changing myself for the better. I'll test out on not forcing Molly for tomorrow. Ask once and not more then that. :) I'll manage if i put my mind to it.
I asked molly to have faith in me and not give up in me. I've recently started to understand my faults and somehow, i kept denying to myself that i'm the one who's wrong. I kept telling myself that people don't understand me. It's the Pride i suppose. To keep the Winning Image that i'm right and everyone else is wrong. But no. That's not how i should be. I'm better then that and i know it. I managed to change into someone strong. I can't cry anymore over my problems and that's progress that i've changed. Now is to not be forceful and to be Understanding.
Molly is right, I lied too much just to get the things i want. Giving people a bad image and showing people that i'm the only right person around. That makes me no different that that Man of a Father i have. I despise him and i'll never be like him. He volunteered to be a bad example in my mind and i'll thank him for that. I'll work towards being someone better then him. Someone honest, Responsible, Understanding, Strong Will and Strong in controlling my emotions. Keeping my anger at bay. These i the things i want to work on.
Thanks for believing in me Molly And please, Keep believing in me and don't give up on me.