Monday, 11 March 2013

March 10 (Longest Text EVER)

Molly really put in her heart and soul into this text.....right. Lol just Kidding! :D
But this is the longest Text I've received. Even my ex didn't send texts this long. ;] But i'm too lazy to read it so who cares? ;-D Jk.

21:28, 10 Mar

Good night (My Name). :D Please know that although i might have gone through bitter past,  and still striving my way to the exit of the dark tunnel, that i Believe i would see the light         sooner or later. And i want u to knw tht i don't have to be weak, i can choose between being       weak and strong. And i thought tht whn u came into my life, i hafta be strong. Why would i          ever let someone new suffer? they don't even understand wht i've been thru back then. Maybe its a start. A start of me not being selfish. Besides, you deserved the best. You did everything u could for me, n i just feel like u deserve something from me. N that is when n why ur birthday surprise is being held. Idk wht im talking abt. Im sleepy. Bt i hope these typings make sense,    Im just typing wht comes out from ma brain. No time to edit my grammar or whatever.          Here's to goodnight. Oh hope you still remember this 'i believed that we are meant to be          friends, for god has brought us together again after the first attempt of being close to you        went awry'. Hope you know what's the meaning of awry though. Cheers n see you tmr dude.         

That was what Molly sent me and it means alot although i don't agree with certain parts of her Text. For One, I want Molly to realize that i'm there for her. That i want to be there for her. To be the Friend that gives her the extra push she needs. To be the friend who could make her Smile. To be the friend that crave for her happiness (Awkward..) But honestly, That's the kind of friend i'd like to become. To walk in the dark tunnel alone seeking for the bright light at the end. It made me feel like i'm not there for her. Like i'm not doing enough. I don't want her to go through her problems alone. I wanna be her listener to her problems, the friend who gives her advice to her problems, I want to be the friend that helps her through the dark tunnel guiding her with a torch in hand. 

Secondly, the Phrase "I though tht whn u came into my life, i hafta be strong. Why would i let someone new suffer?" The First part, " I though tht whn u came into my life, i hafta be strong." I don't want you to be strong just for me, I want you to be yourself. To be sad when you're sad. To be happy when you're happy. All these while, at times when she's in a bad mood, She dosn't want to talk about her problems and it kinda make me feel like i'm a stranger to her. It hurts deep inside but i keep reminding myself that we've just become friends. But at the same time, it made me feel worthless and Useless as a friend who can't even help her with her problems. Maybe she doesn't trust me that much to share personal problems. Maybe, If she even shares it, I won't understand and i'll just listen and can't help her in any way. I feel kinda useless now. I can't think positively now, i just feel sad that as a friend, i can't help her. There must be something i fail to do to make her open up to me. Maybe its too soon...but then again, There are the sad thoughts that i have for being useless.

"Why would i let someone new suffer?" Seeing you keeping your problems within you and not opening up to me, Kinda tells me that you don't trust me that much yet, That you don't know me too much yet. I don't want to change from the pressure and sadness of being worthless and hopeless as a friend. I hate to tell this to myself, but whenever Molly silance herself from me,  I always tell myself, Who am i to her? and the answer will always be the same...a Stranger who's always there with her and nothing else. A Stranger that's always by her side by nothing else. I'm just sad with myself for not being able to do much for her. I don't know and i try my hardest to keep my sadness at bay. I don't want you to realize it Molly...I don't want you to feel anything for me, not anymore...i just don't know what to think. I can't tell you this in person and i also don't want you to know about it. But i just can't hide it. This text you sent me is mostly heartbreaking for me. I suppose i have to be honest, I still love you, I still have feelings for you. But i secrificed it, Though they still linger around. you're just an amazing person, I posted countless times of how you're Faithful to the ones you love, that you're beautiful both inside and out, That i charish you soo much till it breaks my heart everytime i see you sad. Not being able to help you with your problems shatters me as i could just walk beside you while thinking deep how i could've helped you. But no words can fit into what i wanna say. 

I suppose i should secrifice my love for Molly entirely and find someone to fling with. Maybe..just maybe i'll get over the love for Molly and finally be able to be friends with you without any feelings of love for you. Damn...i'm holding back my tears and it hurts soo much. I'm sorry to post this kind of sad Miserable fucked up shits about my feelings. I hate myself. I hate how i Love you. I hate how i always worry for you. I hate how i keep falling for you
everyday. But fuck it and i'll sacrifice it again. I'll do something about it. Aha..damn.
Tenth March....Hate it.

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