Feb 26 (Cookies)

The Day started pretty Hectic For me. Had to wait for her at a "Playground". I was half asleep and didn't even thought of asking her which playground it was. I'm an Idiot ;P
So i waited at the Playground which was close to her place. And so i waited. She Seems to take forever to arrive and i was damn worried that she might have meant to wait for her at a playground somewhere else. But that wasn't really important, She came down late which was why i was worried. Might hafta get her a prepaid card. I need her to have it in case something like this happens again.

During class however, She didn't cease to impress me with her quick to grasp on the things i teach her. Of course i'll be planning for a study "Date" to help her get a hang on things. Tho i slept during Lectures and might need her help to catch up what i missed during my trips into my dreams. We ate Cookies and i opened up to her again on my probs about my father. Didn't really wanted to tell her but she'll have to know to understand who i am. I hope she'll accept me for my dark sides towards my dad. How much i hate him and all that.

She got bold today tho, By bullying me. Sure of course i'll be able to handle her since she's dear to me. But if it was someone else, i'd be annoyed. Amazed at how i can manage to stay relaxed with her dissing me by trying to make me trip and fall. Lmao its like i'm someone else when i'm with her. Funny..:)

But i enjoyed today and oh yea, tmw i have a surprise for her. A New shop selling Yoghurts or icecream whatever is it opened up recently and i don't think Molly knows of it. Gonna surprise her by treating her to something that they sell there. Just because i like to see her happy and surprise her. She won't see it coming. Trust me on this one ;) i'll be planning on having her wait for me after we ate with the excuse of heading to the washroom while i'll make my way to the shop. Hopefully it won't be packed tmw. We'll see.

We'll see :) Can't wait to see the smile on her face tho.
Preety much it for today. Gonna Post all the Post that i've yet to post up since i had problems with connecting to e internet. Yup Yup. ^^

Feb 25 (Another Version ;S)

Feb 25^th

Finally, the day when I get to go to school tgt with her again. Gave her them cookies which she loved. Could be a habit tho, Giving her cookies on Mondays that is. We’ll see how it goes ;)

She was cheery earlier this morning, We walked to the MRT as per normal and smoked afew while she ate one of the Choc Cookies. She has the smile on her face which is the one thing I’ll be wishing to see at the start of my everyday’s. Oh and yes, she has a Cookie dance which I’ve yet to see how It goes. Can’t wait to see it tho. Cookie Dance!!! ;3

Oddly tho, she dislikes ChipsMore cookies, Stating something like they aren’t actual cookies. O. o I don’t get you ma friend. I’m not a cookie person so preety much forgot two of her fav cookies. Nvm, Will just grab Famous Amos Cookies for Special Occasion, Like her birthday for once. J

She also talked about how she got into a fight with a China Lady whom is her colleague, Something about Teas Spoons and Stacking of Plates. Teamwork meant anything to you lady? I can’t say cuz I don’t even know this lady but from what I heard from Molly, The China lady was rude and shouldn’t have acted the way she did towards Molly.

Her sis in law also gave her a Grey Colored Mango Jeans which Molly used Black Dye to dye it so that she’ll be able to wear it to school. Pretty innovative I’d say. She didn’t even got caught by any of the SGO’s which I’d say she’s just Lucky. ;)

During PLC Class, I helped her understand how the things works and tried my very best to help her understand how she’ll be able to Create her own Program to work on the Robot. I’m Proud of her since she’s catching up on the things I’ve taught her. However, We do have a test next week so I’d be Revising the things she’ll need to know about the test. I want to see Molly succeed and if I’m successful, I’d be so damn proud of her. What are friends for eh? ;)

During break however, I kind of snapped. I just became angry at everything, My Dad, My ex and even a guy in my class. Cursing infront of Molly isn’t something I’d like her to see me do. I regret not being able to control my anger and I promised myself I’ll never Snap again. At least not when I’m with Molly ;) She don’t need to see me like that and I don’t want to trouble her by sharing my Problems. There’s just no way neither of us can help with the problems I’m facing. Of course I’m aware that sharing my problems with her will help me calm down and help her understand me more but the problems I’m facing are just, well they’re not really personal it’s just that, I don’t want to make Molly worry for my well being. I promised myself that I won’t have these problems affect my Studies. Hell they’ve already did enough by affecting my appetite. But that’s that. :/

During tea Break however, We ate at Central Delights and we kinda had a small argument about Aisah. She told me that she Misses Aisha but she had already stopped caring. The way I picture it, You’d either Miss someone or you don’t care at all. If you don’t care about the person, You would’nt be missing him or her. But that how I’d see things if I face the same situation as her. Honestly I have, And Reminding myself that those people don’t deserve my Care and time helped me a lot in “Not giving a Fuck about them.” However, Molly took it as I don’t really understand her. And I feel the same way to be honest. I don’t know how she feels, I don’t know what problems she has with Aisha aside from the fact that Aisha always ditch plans on the very last min and they’re drifting apart after they spilt classes. I want to understand you Molly so that Perhaps then I’d be able to help you. But you never really share much to me and I can’t really fully understand you. I feel your pain and it hurts me as well seeing what you’re going through. But I know that even if I completely understand you, Its between you and Aisha and there’s really nothing I can do to help. Only you can help yourself Molly. Stay strong and Time will reward you in its own way. You don’t have to worry about anything as I’ll stay by your side for as long as you need me ;)

Part two. During Lunch, We slacked outside of the Campus with Billy and he told us that Aisha is currently dating his brother. However, Aisha didn’t told Molly about her new relationship and I know that hurt Molly. A Feeling that someone once closed to you kept something that special from you. And you loved them but they weren’t around when you need them the most and they don’t share things with you. Much like being strangers with the person you love. I’m sure Molly’s trying to find a right way of handing her friendship and I’ll support her in rebuilding her friendship with Aisha. But like I said, that’s entirely up to Molly.

There are ups and Downs in friendships but to me, It’ll be a long slope down before there’ll be a hill to climb back up in their friendship. As for our’s, I’m not sure where the road will take us yet. I’m constantly Changing my Attitude and Personality, Well Change isen’t the right word, More like I’m Constantly trying to improve myself so that I’ll be the perfect guy to be Molly’s Best friend. I don’t want to disappoint her. Never again.

After that, Me and Molly didn’t talk much until the day ended, Molly went down with Manses and she  had stomach cramp. Seeing her in pain hurts me. And the only way I knew I could help was to have her take in some Panadol to help relief the pain alil. But she insisted in not taking them as she had always took them for her migraines. She’s a Stubborn girl and never have I once won a debate with her.

Thus I gave her another deal, Either she eats one Panadol or I’d send her home. I wanted her to be safe and I fear and worry that something might happen on her way home and I’m not there. She tried to change the topic so I went with the flow. Right as our train arrived at my station, I didn’t get off as I’ve not finished my part of the deal. She didn’t eat a single panadol and so I’ll be sending her home.

She was disappointed that I troubled myself and I keep telling her that I don’t care if I’m being a nuisance but so long I’m sure she’s fine on her way back home, It’s a Sacrifice I’d gladly make.

One thing to remember about Molly is that even though she’s sick, when it comes to sport, She’ll participate even if she just recovered from a spirant  ankle or is currently having stomach cramp, She won’t push the offer of participating in Sports games away. Like I said, she’s stubborn and I’ll be keeping a close eye on her no matter how she feels about it. If she thinks I’m being a nuisance and wants me out of her life…then I wouldn’t know what I’d do. Knowing her, that’ll be the last thing she’ll ever think of.

Anyways That’s it for tonight. My eyes are heavy and I’d like to continue but I’ll leave it for tomorrow to make the finale edits and Post everything I’ve yet to post, Starting from Feb 22^nd. Whew. Nights Molly, Stay strong and Stay Safe. Lots of Love,….Pinochio. ;)

Feb 25 (The Black 25th)

Feb 25^th

I snapped. I showed her my Anger, Something that I didn’t want to show her. A Side of me I didn’t want her to see. I snapped. I can’t take it, All the problems that occurred to me. I just can’t see Molly as my Pillar of strength. I don’t want it to turn out this way. She made me happy, But that isen’t enough. I..just can’t forget my problems anymore. It wasn’t like this before, Every time I’m with her, Problems didn’t really faze me. But now, They just came and I can’t take it. To show my anger in front of her. I didn’t want her to see it.

She fell sick, I had to do something about it. Seeing her in pain, It hurts when there’s nothing you could do to help. I had to get her some panadols to relieve the pain alittle. But she didn’t want to take them, Saying that she took too much. Still, She suffers. The Pain may not be great, But seeing her in pain is still hurtful. I had to send her home.

But I know that she’s hurt deep inside after all that happened between her and aisah. Their friendship is pulling apart and there’s nothing I can do to help. I guess, there are things that I can’t do anything to help but just watch as it uncovers before me. Its something that I’ll have to accept. I don’t know why I care where others would’nt even take this far as for a friend. Maybe this is too much…Maybe I’m sacrificing too much. No I won’t stand by that. Molly is a great friend which I keep dearly close to my heart. I don’t want to return to who I was back then. I want Molly to change me. I don’t care about my past anymore. I just don’t. Dammit…I’ve to start putting on a mask. I know Molly just wants to help. But its not something I want her to trouble herself with. It’s a path that I’ve to thread alone. Seeing that kid in the library screaming in anger. I sorta understood how he felt. We all would snap at one point.

Maybe my time is soon to come. I just hope my fall isen’t too deep. 

Feb 24 (Making a Habit)

Feb 24^th

Turns out Molly works together with her 2^nd Sister, At times I think..not all the time…Maybe..I dunno..Gotta ask her tmw. And Finally I’m going to school with Molly again tmw ^^ Goodbye boring bus rides. Hello fun Train ride with Molly.

I’d start with how my day went. Woke up at ten and my heart melted when there were loads of text from Molly. Well “Loads” is too much..perhaps about six..i think.

The text went like this. ^^ Sharing the love yo.

“As the sun rises, I could hear the birds chirping ,melodiously. :) That was a short poem I made by myself like two months ago? Haha goodmorning pinochio?! Have a fruitful day ahead! Don’t forget to eat your breakf, lunch n dinner! Stay healthy bitch! :P and always be gooooood”

“Dragging my feets to work…………..what a drag” >:] I see what you did there.

“Having my fave food, cooooooookies now for breakf!! :D”

“Ok,gotta sign in for work now. Seeeee yoooooooou in a bit” ….i won’t be seeing you Molly <. < it’s a weekend…stop breaking ma heart.

And then I work up and replied. I know my replies are lame but deal with it. Accept me for who I am T^T

“Im surprised you can text me while doing all this (I don’t get what I meant either) ;) ***** (Her sis’s name) Doesn’t mind you bringing her phone? (I meant bringing her phone to work) Morning! Anyways have a beautiful day Repunzel! J”

“….have I ever misbehaved? (Her text looked like she’s saying that I misbehaved often which I TOTALLY Disagree. I’m a well behaved and well mannered Kid. Always have been and always will be) :D. Free breakfast at work? :s soo Syiok..” (Figured she got her Cooooooookies free at work…but I was wrong)

“Haha that is multi-tasking’pinochio. J shes working with me. Well,who knows? (Abt me Misbehaving) Yup! Jealous nt? (Abt the Cooooooookies) bt the cookies is mine hor (She didn’t get it for free at work).”

“Nvm inside aircraft there’s more choices of Cookies and Tib-Bits. (Cookies…two-Three Choices. Tib-Bits…depends on where the flight is headed to.) hmph jealous much? (Giving her pay back for cookies….yup) I didn’t know your sis works with you. Cool. You la always tell me to behave…like im always misbehaving like tht.

I told you edi? (Abt her sis working with her) You didn’t paid attention!? (I forgot! Gawd I’m sorry!) Wahhh take me some cooookiess preddy pls ;) (Just because she’s special to me, I’d take the risk of getting caught and getting fired….and…there better be a reward for this…:3 just kidding…but it’ll be cool if there is one tho…and I’m not asking for any form of repayment…WinkWink ;))

“…o . o maybe I forgot..teehee…Kk see first. J (But hey…I got her two packs of cookies…each containing two..and both are of diff flavors. One is Choc and the other is Oats and Honey….ew. x3)

Yup that’s part of what we texted and they’re….yup nvm ;3 Err oh yea, Her Oldest bro should be back so I wonder how’s things. Might ask her tmw. - .- shit happened and I don’t wanna talk abt it…not here at least. Errr yup nuthin else. Nights! :D

Feb 23 (Heart Warming Texts)

Feb 23^rd

Saturday

No School, No Free Time, No Chances of Seeing Molly today L

Lol but no, We’re still connected through messages which is still cool. It took her awhile to reply which kinda pushes me towards buying her anew phone and a Prepaid Sim card for her convenience use as her birthday present, Bhuut..we’ll see ;) And I’m getting Pampered with her Morning greetings. They’re sweet..and it didn’t really help in NOT missing you Molly. Gawd.

Oh yea..i wrote Molly on my Band which is preety swell.

Moving on, Molly didn’t work today for some reason….-_- She didn’t replied either since her mom went to johor with her sis. Which I believed to be her eldest Sis. She was at home..the whole day…and she ate Subway…while I ate aircraft food. Well on the bright side they’re still free so I can’t complain ;)

Her oldest bro will be returning back to Singapore today and she seems excited so I’m happy for her. Blum….badabom…bingchow! o 3o

“I’m glad you came into my life. “…Ikr? ;D

“I Promise to change into a better person for myself and the ones that are close to me. “…You promised.

“Please Don’t lose faith in me”…NEVER

“Don’t give up on me yet, Farid”….Never Doubted you…never have…Never will. Promise.

“I still need you here, Beside me Everyday”..Except on the weekends. X3

“Good Night Pinochio” -__- dammit.

Not sure abt lying..but…I don’t suppose my lies where that bad. I mean they weren’t serious lies. Well I suppose lies are still Alright compared to if I were cheating on her feelings. That is a nono farid. I’ll seriously Falcon Punch you if you Cheat on Molly’s Feeling >:( Not a Laughing matter Brah.

Don’t worry Farid..I won’t :D GAH She’s soooo Cute! xD

<. < yay! :D

Feb 22 (Pranked)

Feb 22^nd

Today is a Friday and we don’t have any classes for this term. Didn’t get to meet her which is a disappointment. Since yesterday’s Dream, I’ve been missing molly. Damn me x3

She’s just a beautiful person both Personality and how looks. It’s hard not to Miss someone like her. I woke up at around twelve in the afternoon and was greeted by a sweet message from Molly. She told me that she finally found a bag she wants. It’s a Cheap Monday bag which is white and if I’m not mistaken it’s sorta like a side bag I suppose? Not sure what’s the Name of that type of bag. But YES she found it Online and bought it for $18 off a Local seller.

She also told me that she Misses me twice today and that Warms my heart alil ^__^ awwh Miss that Doobie. In the Afternoon, I was informed that she was Awarded for her Progression and Improvement in her Studies. I was also Awarded the Same thing however, In order for her to attain the Certificate and Bursary award, She’ll have to shake hands with the MP which is err……Community…Residential…Member…I suppose? :D I dunno! :D

I…wasn’t invited….Q__Q Idon’tCare…hmph..Q. Q

Proud of you Molly! :D

Tonight however, was also a ROllerCoaster Ride for this lilheart of mine. A Friend of mine told me that A friend of his is giving away Tickets for Universal Studios Singapore for only $25!! The Norm price for a Tixs is about $75-$80..i don’t know cuz I don’t bother with USS T^T. I was damn Excited and figured I’d invite Molly to go with me….However, It turned out to be a prank and…..All hope is lost. Damn F***ers!!! > .> I hate you people.

-_- Yeap. Well Missing Molly and Prolly won’t see her over the Weekends. I soo soo wanna go to school wit her this Monday cuz going to school alone is just BORING T^T.

Feb 21

21^st February. The Day when we moved through our arguments. Today is also a day when I’m even more confused about my feelings about her. The Awkward feeling where me and my heart don’t see eye to eye. I felt that I’ve moved on with my feeling. Knowing that I’m over with the love I have for her but still want to treasure her a Precious Friend. The One friend where I truly wish to have for now and forever.

However, My heart tells me a different feeling which personally I don’t know how I felt about my feelings for her. Went to school alone today and it was the most boring part of the day. Sitting in the bus alone listening to music and having nobody at your side whom you could talk to or joke around with. I’m sick of going to school alone in an hour’s bus ride.

 During break time, we ate together at a newly opened cafeteria which is called “Central Delights” if I still remember it correctly. It’s “Nasi Ayam Penyek” isn’t that bad. She seems to enjoy playing the NDS games which I am Happy seeing her focus on the games.

She also wore her friendship band today which I’m still confused about. There’s much on my mind, On our friendship, On my family and of course on how Luna is acting lately. It’s hard to understand her with a heavy heart. When I asked her why she wore our friendship band, She told me something about because we argued the day before. I remember hearing that Arguments is just a normal event that shows that we’re growing closer and starting to understand each other. Maybe that’s what she meant. Even she can’t explain it. But I don’t want her to wear it. I want her to wear it when she truly trust me to be her friend. Then and there, will the friendship band truly mean something.

For me to wear it everyday is to help me remember her as my Pillar of Strength. At times when I feel worried or stressed, I’ll hold onto the Band, The Feeling of it kinda gives me a secure feeling, A feeling that helps assure me that everything will be fine. It helps me remember that I have Molly with me.

During our train ride back home, She talked about how Cute,Heavy,Fat bobby is. She also mentioned that Bobby has soft furs which honestly, I don’t think so. Bobby is a complete exact version of a real life Garfield. A Fat and Lazy cat. Only approaches you whenever he’s hungry. And whenever he wanna sleeps, he’ll be taking half of your bed space.

She also Mentioned how her cat has Gum Problems and smells alil. I gotta meet her cat and see him for myself. Molly, Bobby bites people just for the fun of it. He doesn’t scratch people which is good enough. He can’t even defend himself from a fight with Stray cats, How is he suppose to defend himself from a Human? ;)

When I got home, I took a nap which ended up with me Dreaming of Molly. The Dream Started with Me and Zi Cong. We were working together, I was in the company Van and he was driving. We were just driving around the Airport and chilling. Guess I kinda miss that dude. After that, I dreamt of her. The girl I wish to be with. The Girl I wanna see everyday. My Precious Girl, I dreamt of Molly and me in somewhere Peaceful. There’s no place like that in Singapore but I love that place. It was night time, The Floor is wet and the Street Lamps lights reflects on the puddles on the floor. It is surrounded by Chellet room on the second floor and shops on the ground floor. It was a peaceful place. Me and Molly were holding hands and we were just happy. Hell, even now I wish I’d return into that dream. We ended up in a clothing shop that’s like a branded shop. Bobby was there hiding in the shirts and I picked him up and carried him while we looked around the shop. After that the scene kinda changed into a train ride. I was in the MRT train with Molly. There were like 3-4 other people whom I felt like they were close to me and Molly. But I forgot their faces which proved that I don’t know them in real. We were all joking around and laughing. Molly however has short hair but she looks beautiful with it. Maybe these people might be our friends one day. We were all happy and I’d wish for that dream to come true. The Day when I’d be able to hold her hand and seek happiness with her. To laugh, To smile, To be happy. -__- now I wanna sleep again. 

Feb 20

Today was a roller coaster ride. It started off pretty fun. I picked her up and called her Repunzel  in a text message. “Repunzel oh Repunzel. Let down your hair so that I may climb to meet you J I’m here!” That was how I texted her. When she arrived, I was surprised when I first met her mom whom just sent Dania off to her school bus. I greeted her good morning and that was it. It didn’t end there though. I was worried that I might’ve said something wrong or rude but all was well in the end.

While waiting for the Train, Molly styled my hair with Wex that she brought along and It’s nice of her I suppose. It’s not always that a girl styled my hair so I suppose it’s cool.

She seems happy enough playing the Nintendo DS and I’m happy that she’s having fun. She should smile more. At class however, we can’t really do anything as Sam didn’t came and he’s suppose to coordinate the whole project as the Project was all based on his ideas so he has the Schematic s for  the Project. Mr Moner let us off to Sim Lim Tower on our own leisure to look for needed items for our projects which me and Molly then decided to use this “Leisure” to head off to Paya Labar to grab Breakfast. When we got there, We ate Nasi Ambang which was “Solid” from what Molly commented on it. It’s alright.

It was then that Patrick/Zhe Liang texted me and told me that Moner  cancelled the class after his so we’ll be able to go home at any time and most had already left. Molly can’t go home yet as her Mom would think she skipped class. So we decided to hang out after we ate.

Molly planned to Hangout at her eldest sister’s house which is in Newton. From what she told me, That house is unoccupied since the family lives with her parents. However, Her Sis is at work and the key is with her. So Chilling there won’t be an option. I then planned to use this time to invite Molly to my place and introduce her to my Granny. We agreed and so we went. When she got there, I served her as a guest as my grandmother spoke to her and asked for her help to Advice me on my attitude and behavior.

We then hung out in my room which she helped me with my Internet Connection problem. It didn’t go as planned but I ended up getting a different Connection. One that’s not as stable as the one I had before but what can I do? Thanks Molly. After that, I introduced her to my PS3 which she played Test Drive Unlimited 2. She played for awhile before I decided that Watching a Movie would’nt be that bad. So we watched Little Man.

Soon it was already about 2pm and we decided to leave for Semei . So we headed off. There, Molly cooked some Hotdogs for me which was “Solid”. We then Chilled with Dania at the playground and that was the first time I Met up with Dania.

It was there when Molly asked me some serious Questions that strongly affects our friendship and my feelings. She asked me why I’m being soo nice to her. Is it because I wanna be her friend or is it because I like her. If Its because I like her, It won’t be a genuine friendship as should my feelings fade I might leave her.

Its hard to respond to her question and at times I slipped my tongue saying out things that I wasen’t even sure of. If you’d asked me that, I’ll sacrifice my Feelings just so that I can accomplish my goals of making you happy. And I noticed that…Making her happy is just part of the Whole Picture. The Whole Picture is that I wanna be her friend. But for what reasons? I told her that I felt my love for her is fading. And what I failed to noticed at that point of time and what I failed to explain to her is that the Fading love is the Romance Love which Is fading. I’m slowly losing the Romance love I have for her. But to love her as a friend didn’t change. I still love her but it wasn’t a romantic love anymore. It was a friendship kind of love. Why did the Romance Love faded?

I suppose its because I was trying too hard and I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I want to share a genuine friendship. Me loving her makes her doubt that. Which is why I’m starting to lose the Romance Love I used to have for her. But I still love her as a friend and I will never want to leave her. My goals and dreams for her to be happy still stands and my promises of never ditching her is still Alive.

However its hard for her to believe me. As she been through a lot of broken promises and even I fucked it up once and ditched her. But that’s because I felt as if I’m just being a bother. Like as if I’m just a 3^rd person between her friendship and Syafiq. It felt as if I don’t belong. Loving her is one thing…Fitting in is another. It didn’t felt right and after the SATs supervisor fucked it up, I felt as if she was avoiding me. So I suppose with all the heartache I had, I backed down.

I did my mistakes. But its not that I want to make that mistake. I regretted it. Even now, I don’t care if she don’t wish to trust me. All I care is that I want to make her happy. And I’ll push aside the issue of Trust between her and me.  I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that. Just being there for her will be enough.

So that’s that. I love Molly as a friend now and I’m sure of it. What few Romance love I still have for her will soon drain away. And we’ll be friends with no such romantic feelings for each other. It’s a sacrifice that my heart made on its own. It hurts now, But I doubt I’ll still feel the hurt in a week or so. I hope you understand Molly. Its hard for me to explain as I didn’t really understood myself. You didn’t understood because I failed to explain. But I hope this post will be enough. 

Feb 19

A lot of things happened today and so I’ll start off with how the morning went.

The night before, Molly and her family went for a Feast at East Coast for some Seafood dishes. It was after all her eldest sister’s birthday. And so they went and they enjoyed the food, While she was there, a “Cross-Dressing Dude” aka a Homosexual guy with Long hair and dresses up like a female would sat at the table beside her’s and her family’s.

Molly didn’t noticed anything until the “Dude’s” friend accidentally dropped something. Could be a Utensil, a Chicken or a Piece of Prawn. I forgot. And the “Dude” Screamed like how a Women would. We all can differentiate how a Male and a Female’s Scream sounds like. And lets just leave it at that ;)

And so Molly looked at “Him” and was shocked/Surprised  for a moment. She didn’t thought at the first glance that “She” was actually a “He”. Somehow along the way after Molly ignored “Him” She looked somewhere towards where he was sitting and HE noticed. Its sorta like he had a feeling someone was looking at him and so I suppose “He” glared/Stared at Molly.

Hell if you wouldn’t want someone to look at you at least be Normal. You’re a Telephone booth in the Middle of the Desert. A Black sheep in the center of a Herd of white sheep would make a better example but I still think the Telephone Booth is cooler. But back to the Main story, Be Normal if you don’t want people to look at you. Its common sense, Its just Human Nature. People WILL LOOK at things they’re not used to SEEING. Like if you saw a Meteorite, You’d be Shocked and you’ll remember it for the rest of the Year maybe for the rest of your life. Thing is, You’ll Look, Because you’re not gonna see a Meteorite on a daily basis. Its Damn Rare.

You WILL look. Nobody will be noticing a Meteorite and be like…”Oh it’s a Meteorite…cool” and look away. Its just not RIGHT!. What I’m trying to say is, You can’t blame people for looking at you. Because they’ll look at you as you’re different!. You’re a Dude wearing Chick cloths. I’m not one to judge people by who they are and how they show/express themselves but don’t go blaming others for looking at you. Its something you’ll have to be prepared for and Accept for as long as you’re Different then “SOCIETY”.

Well back to the story, Molly ignored the “Dude” who glares at her and just forget about it. What I was  told of her dad is that he’s not one who you’ll easily be close with. He has that “Stand Alone” Personality. Her dad, Is sorta like my uncle. He’s there…but you’ll never truly feel like he’s there. Like a Living Doll to put it plainly.

And so he really didn’t liked following others to family bonding outings, I think so, Not sure. Molly and her family thought of buying him (Her Father) Some fried Noodles but unfortunately, The Store was closed so they really didn’t have any other choices but to go home empty handed with a Full stomach.

When they got home, Her dad was like Sad. He asked Molly’s Mom.

Dad: Where did you guys went to?

Mom: We went to have dinner at East Coast.

Dad: And you didn’t bought anything for me? Any food?

I figured at this point her mom was Speechless or maybe she did responded with..

Mom: The Store which sells Fried Noodles was closed.

You know what? Molly you’ll be the one reading this so you’ll prolly remember what happened x3 I’m not gonna Type down the Whole scenario of what happened. It happened to you and its not like I’m posting for anyone else to read J

Moving on, During class I managed to teach her alil on PLC Controls which we use the TWIN CAT software to run our programs and test it out. She did pretty well and I’m more determined to ensure that she’ll understand the whole idea of PLC one day. I’m sure of it and it’s a promise. Maybe one day Me and Her would be able to just chill out at Changi Airport and study together. I’ll be able to teach her On ABB stuffs and PLC Controls and she’ll teach me on Robotics Theory.

Oh yea and I landed her my Nintendo DS which she enjoyed playing and I’m sure Dania will too. Seeing her smile while she’s playing it is kinda cute and it warms my heart. 

But she also did say that I deserve better girls. Girls prettier then her. In my heart I knew that she was the only one I want.  She’s beautiful inside and outside in my opinion and I just love her. She’s precious to me so yea. She Deserves better and I wanna be that guy who’ll make her happy. The Dude who shares a Friendship band with her and…hehe hopefully, the gu y who shares the same couple ring with her and soon, A Wed lol! J maybe, It’ll be a dream come true for me then.

That’s that for this post and I’ll have more to update ;) Night Molly. Still having you in my heart. I did say I’ve written your name in my heart and forever it’ll stay. I still mean it and it still means something to me over the past two weeks we’ve been close friends. I wonder what to tomorrow brings.

Feb 18

Well looks like I still suck at pretending. Molly Found out that I like her but. Thankfully, All is well as she and I are still friends. Closer perhaps. I made a promise to her that I won’t ditch her and I made a promise to myself that I’ll put her before my feelings. Her happiness is everything to me. I also felt like I foist the friendship band to her. And she became honest to me that she still don’t trust me that well and she’s half heartedly wearing the Band.

I am to blame as I felt like I kinda forced her to wear it. She didn’t wanted to hurt me thus wore it without any second thoughs. I told her that it’s alright if she stops wearing the friendship band until she finally trust me one day. I respect that and I also felt like she needed more time. I left her once…and it’s a mistake I’ve regretted.

I personally asked that I’d take the band off her wrist. It pains me while I untied the band and took it off her. Those few seconds were painful. But it is part of the sacrifices I have to make. I have myself to blame. For should I had not left her once, things would’nt turn out this way. I suppose I’ve still much to do to gain her trust. Trust between us is vital for if I am to make her happy.

You can’t be happy with someone you don’t trust. It doesn’t make sense. She’d been through a lot and I suppose she disserves better. No matter, One thing I’ve learnt from getting close to her is to have Faith. To keep my hopes up. And keep on believing. For giving up will never be an option in our friendship.

She wrote a post for me on her tumblr.  She told me about the post. For she prayed to god to have her love me. Somehow, I felt like it wasn’t right somehow. I don’t want you to force yourself to love me just to make me happy. I want you to love me because you know loving me will make you happy.

I’ve come to push my feelings aside and focus on my main Goals. Molly deserves to be happy. And I want to see her Letting out tears of Joy before I can finally be at ease. I want to get her something special for her birthday. Something that I’ve never given someone as a gift before. I want my birthday gift to her to be something special. Something that shows her I truly love her. But for now, Seeking her love isn’t important. Like always, her happiness is.

I’ve decided on buying her a Doc Martin’s Tessles Loafers which cost around $240-$260. It’ll be the most expensive gift I’ve bought for a special person like Molly. And only Molly alone deserves such a gift for she has done soo much for those she love. I don’t want any form of repayment. Just a smile is enough for me Molly. J Its hard enough to have you understand how honest I am about making you Happy. Its hard enough to make you understand that most of my efforts isen’t for my love to you. But they were for your happiness all along. You may not believe that, But it’s the truth. And I can’t find any way to prove it. Hopefully, My Efforts will be enough to prove to you. I don’t need you to be in a relationship with me. I don’t need your love, all I need is you to be happy.

I know I sound like a Miserable guy. But that’s how I feel and I think that’s enough. If you’re reading this molly, Know that I love you and though this sounds corny, I can’t ever pass a day when I’ve stopped thinking about you. For everyday, You’re on my mind. Thinking of you warms my heart. And the best part. Seeing your beautiful smile is all the joy I’ve ever wanted.  Love Farid.

Feb 16

Since I didn’t meet Molly today nor skyped with her, Obviously I can’t post about what we did together for the day’s Post. So I’ve Planned for the days where there’s nothing to post about, I’ll post about my feelings for her. J

I’ll call it, the Weekend trip to my Feelings. Yuppy.

To start off, I’d say that I love Molly. But it isen’t a friendship kind of love. Its Romance. And I fear that it’s just one of those love where the feeling will soon calm down and it won’t be called love. There’s a lot of things I love about Molly. Mainly, Her personality. She’s a Goody Good Friend, An exciting fella to be around (Once you get to know her) and she’s funny (At times Annoying) ;). A Sense of warmth to my heart whenever I see her smile. Which comes to me loving her Lovely smile.

Though, Sometime I felt like she’s faking her smiles. Molly had been through a lot of Painful Friendships and Relationships which I suppose I felt like the Need to make it up to her.  I swear that the only things I’ve been thinking about are mainly to figure out how to make her happy. How to make her smile and How to make her laugh.

I’m not one who can make someone laugh. Maybe if I try hard enough, I’ll only be making fun of myself with Corny jokes or Comments. That’s the  Most I can come up with. What my older sis has, The Outgoing personality and how she can make someone laugh, I lack in what she has.

I find it weird that I’m putting in a lot of effort in making someone happy. To put someone before me is new to me. For during my past relationships, I’ve never cared to make such efforts. I suppose that makes Molly special to me. Even I don’t get why I’m doing all the things to make her happy.

I don’t wish for her to know of my feelings for I worry that it’ll cause some….Awkwardness or Misunderstandings in our Friendship. For that, I’m Sacrificing my true feelings for her just to make her happy. She’s happy enough to just be my friend and I suppose I should be happy. Though it pains me to keep my true feelings hidden from her, I’d do whatever it takes to make her happy.

And I can’t risk taking any chances of finding out what might come should she knows of my true feelings.

I love Molly’s Pure Loyalty to her friendship. I know she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her friendship. But somewhere along her friendships, She changed. From what she told me, She stopped caring for those who don’t seem to deserve her friendship. For those who don’t deserve her love. If she loves someone, Boy she’ll love them.

I’m disappointed to hear of how people don’t appreciate the love she gave them. Molly’s a bright girl, A friendly person. But after what people did to her, She changed. I’d hope of changing her the way she way. To make Molly care again. To make Molly believe that true friendship that last forever does exist with the right friends.

Which is why changing her and making her happy comes first. I’ll be able to withstand the ache that comes when I keep my feelings hidden. It’s a Sacrifice I’ll make for her happiness.

Why am I keeping my Feelings hidden? Well…I suppose it’s the fear of losing her. For the Awkwardness that comes should I confess my love, She’ll leave. I don’t want that to happen. Molly’s the only one that keeps me going. Keeps me strong and Optimistic. Thinking about her smiles and her tears keeps me focus of my main Objective. Her Happiness! :D

Feb 15 (Pool's Draw) Part 2

Since this Evening, I've been chatting with Molly through Skype. It was just a normal conversation which ended with a game of 8-Ball pool on miniclip which we both draw on a 7-7 score.
I enjoyed her company as always ;)

Feb 15 (Faith)

We didn't have classes today which is a friday. And today was the day which i've decided on sharing a friendship band together.

Mat up with her at twelve and we sat down under a shelter. i was nervous when she read the letter which i wrote for her. Hell i must also agree that the Lollipops i gave her was alil too much but i can't seem to find any other way to express how much i wanna be a friend to her.

All these while, Even with her company, It never once felt to me like we were truly friends. There was still that slight tint of feeling that i was still a stranger to her. She lost alot of friends before and that caused her to worry that i might do the same to her. It was a feeling to me like there's no trust in our "Friendship". To me, She's a great friend but i worry that she might back away without the trust in our friendship.

I'm sure that i won't leave her but, i don't know if she'll feel the same way. Hopefully, our friendship band might be enough to bound us together and wrap a sense of "Trust" into our friendship.

Since her uncle is hospitalized, I didn't wanna take too much of her time and i hope for the best that her Uncle will be in safe hands and will make a fast recovery. Have faith Molly.
These are just one of the things i can't help her with and though i feel hopeless, There's nothing i can do but just give words of faith.

I promised her that this blog will be in her reach on her birthday. July 19th. If i save $50 for my every pay day, I'd save $250 by july and that's for her birthday which ive decided on buying Doc Martin's Tessles Loafers for her. And thus, since i'll be passing this blog to her sooner then having to wait for my NS, i'd have to stop putting in my nevermind :)

Keeping it forbidden. Our friendship is more important then my feelings. Her Happiness tops it all. Keep that in mind Farid.

She planned to buy me GTA5 but that'll come out by April which is after my birthday. I don't care that much for a birthday present and i don't want to trouble her for a present which is why i don't really care that much.

So don't waste your money on me Molly :) i'm happy enough trying to make you happy.
Because you are..my great friend.

Feb 14 (Her Tears) Part 2

After i asked her about her Wishlist, The Conversation suddenly changed when she asked me about my ex. I told her the whole story of how i met my ex and all. And then, I asked something i regretted. I asked about her's. Her ex, Her friends.
She broke into tears as she missed the ones she used to be close with. I was heartbroken when i saw her tears. I know how she feels like to be abandoned and forgotten-ed. I followed with her tears. All i knew at that point was that i wanted to make up to her for all that they did to her.

I wanna make her feel loved, Appreciated but most of all, I want her to be happy. For her to be smiling always and not recalling her dark past. It'll take time and i don't mind waiting for an eternity. So long as i know she'll have that smile on her face one day. A genuine smile.

I don't need her to accept my love, I don't need her to do anything at all. I just want her to be happy. God knows how precious she is to me. She also told me that she did thought about just throwing everything she has now. Throwing me away and being alone as she's worried that i might end up being like everyone else. That i might one day just leave and forget about her.

I made a promise Molly. And i want to keep it. Trust me is what i also want from you. Though it saddens me to hear it, I don't ever want you to give up on me. Have faith in what i'm striving for. Please.

Which is why i've decided that i'll give her one of a pair of friendship bands that i bought earlier. Hoping that a friendship band which i'll be wearing everyday be able to make her feel at ease knowing that as long as i wear the Band, I'll be showing that i'm still treasuring what we have. Along with that, I'll be giving her a large case of Fruit flavored Lolipops. About fifteen of them. Fuck the cost, I want her to feel happy about it and share it with Dania and her sisters.

I'll also write her a letter telling her what i want most. For her to be happy and not losing faith in me. In hopes that i will make her feel happy one day. I can't see you crying Marly. I can't stand seeing you sad. I feel like i wanna cry when i'm typing this post. Promise me you won't dwell on your past Marly.

We also ate lunch together at Gaylang Food Court. We both had an Indonesian Dish which i forgot it's name. Cost alot but i suppose it was alright. I'll be keeping my feelings for her hidden. Though it hurts, I won't let it stand in the way of attaining her happiness.
GoodNight Marly. I love you.

Feb 14 (Her Wishlist)

Today is Valentines day. The day started pretty much fun. I saw Dania while she was waiting for her school bus and heard her soft cute voice calling out "Farid" :) And when Molly came down, She passed me a Heartwarming letter. It reads...

All i knew was that he was Handsome and gracious, and i enjoyed being with him very much

Dear Farid
Happy Valentines day!
I would Like to thank-you for being sucha wonderful friend to me.
This is just the beginning.
I wouldn't trade it for anything, your friendship! Loving others do not compare to you.
                                                                                                                   Luv Yuh.

That was what she wrote. I felt bad enough not giving her anything for Valentines day as our religion forbids us celebrating it. Somehow? Which was why i had to repay her somehow.
In class, Molly ate a Wonka kinda lolipop which she loves. Its not sold in Singapore as far as im aware. But that didn't stop me from trying to find it after school.

At break however, we spent it in the library. I asked her about her wishlist and finally had afew ideas.

-A Black Headphones.
We all know earpieces can't be compared to the power of sound that a headphone can give.

-A Black Sized 8-9 Doc Martin's Tessles Loafers.
It will cost me about $240 but since its her birthday, I wouldn't mind spending any sum of money. Problem is, She'll ask her family for it on her birthday and i'm worried that her family might also buy it for her. Then she'll have two of them. o. O

-A PullOver Sweater with a Cross on it.
No Comment :)

-A Cheap Monday White T-Shirt/Shirt.
-A Cheap Monday Beanie.
If i were to pick one of Cheap Monday's, I'd rather buy her both just to make for the most.
And lastly, A Doc Martin Sandals. (She would'nt be able to wear it often but who knows?)

Feb 13 (My Forbidden Feelings?) Part 3

just afew hours ago, i text-ed her asking if i could pick her up tomorrow morning just like i did today. She replied with. ":) aren't you nt tired? why are you doing all this fr me?"

And i replied with "You're a great friend to me so i don't mind at all. :)"
That wasn't my honest response though and i can't let her know that i still keep feelings for her. It does hurt to keep my true feelings hidden but sacrifices has to be made to build a strong friendship with her.

I suppose when Molly reads this...I'd already be in NS or somehow we've walked our separate paths. I also wanna apologize for not telling you my true feelings, Its not that i didn't want to be honest with you. But i'm actually scared. I'm scared that my feelings my threaten our friendship. One that i don't think will be re-mended in time. Its like a rope that's connecting us together. Saying out my true feelings is the same as pouring fuel onto the rope and Rejection is lighting the rope in flames. That's what i picture in my mind. And i'm scared it'll happen should i tell you the truth.

Damn :) There's alot of things i admire about you Molly. And they are the ones that i feel like i can't let you know. Not now. Maybe not ever. However, If it makes you happy so be it.
Honestly, I'm giving myself to you and i don't know if i should do this. I mean, i can't even believe that i'm updating this Blog every night.

But this is the only place where i can truly express my feelings. You'll read this one day and god knows where i might be. I'm just happy to have you around Molly. ;) I want you by my side. I'll be giving you the extra push you'll need to move on and i don't think i'll want anything in return. Screw my feelings, Screw everything. I suppose what matters now is to just see you smile. Aha. I'm pathetic. Who would've though i'd be like this? but on the bright side, I don't think what i'm doing is weird. urgh fuck that x3 who cares.

I don't so nobody should. I suppose that's all for today's update. I'd hope to pick you up in the Morning. GoodNight Molly :) Seeya in da morning.

Feb 13 (Brow Treading) Part 2

That was what i felt for her today. She was also competitive when it comes to games. We played the card based Monopoly game against each other. And tbh, it can get Frustrating when she's rushing you when you're trying to plan out your next move. Girl...Seriously! xD i gotta figure out how to play my cards right >:(

But she's a fun opponent and hands down, i lost to her. Not sure if its a fair match. I won't deny that. I still think she's cheating tho x3 maybe i'm being a sore loser. who knows?
After school, She invited me to accompany her to Little India where she wanna get a brow treading. And her 2nd sister will be there. Still didn't catch her name > .>

At first, i was shy. But i've also had planned to introduce her to my older sis one of these days so i suppose it'll only be fair for her if i'll also meet her Sis. So i agreed and accompanied her to meet her Sis. I don't know her name > .> yet..But she turns out to be a cool girl. Much of an Opposite of Molly. Totally Opposite x3 But such chemistry makes them a great sibling.

She cried during the whole treading process and i can't tell how painful it is so i had to bare with the Scene of her going through such pain. But she's a brave girl and i'm proud of you Molly. After some time, She decided that she had enough. However both me and her sis agreed that it still looked the same and that she should tread alil more. Which of coarse  she'll have to bare some more of the pain.  It hurts to watch her in pain but something snapped in me.

I realized or had already known for along time that Molly's beautiful. Both inside and outside and nothing that i know of can change that image of Molly in my heart. she always ask god to send a perfect guy to be with her. And all the while i was beside her thinking.."I'll try my best Molly ;)"

A line of her's that i'll be keeping at heart is to always have FAITH. Faith....perhaps the fact that she said that shows that she's slowly opening up and moving on from her dark and grim past. She also told me that she'll be my Pillar of Strength. Molly...I somehow still feel like something is keeping us apart. Two souls standing before each other but is separated by a glass wall. I can't connect with her heart. But that's just my fantasies speaking out of place.

Wow part 3 already O .o ;)

Feb 13 (Such Love)

Today has been preety hectic i suppose. Well when hasn't it been when she's around? Molly is an Exciting person to be with. With her wacky personality. She's really..fun.

i got up early today at around 5am just so i won't be late. Caught the first bus to her place at 6:20am O_o" Yup. Waited under her void deck and thus walked to the MRT station while smoking my first stick. Seriously, It was 6:45am and that was my first stick. I would've smoked right after i left home but i didn't ;D i wanted my first stick while walking with Molly to really have a worth. For that one stick to really Mean something. Like a reward of Patience? x3 Somewhat idk.

But yea, i was told that while waiting for her, her mom and Dania saw me waiting for her Dx i didn't saw them! seriously! T^T could've greeted them. I'm preety sure i'd be able to know Dania when i see her but sadly, I didn't saw them. Well that's that. Molly's mom also asked her where i lived, And Molly told her i live in Bedok Reservoir. Her mom's response.."Sanghup die datang sini?" Translate that to English and it'll be "He'd trouble himself to pick you up from that far?"

Yes madam i don't mind ;) well if you ask me why. Truth be told, I kinda still love Molly. The love for her re-emerged. But whenever Molly asked (Which she obviously did) i told her a lie. I told her that she's a great friend of mine and i don't mind. Truth is..You know ;) i..i love her i suppose. But then again, i suppose it's still to early to say i truly love her since i'm only starting to get to know her. So i suppose for now, I have a crush for her and i care about her.

I wanna make her Happy. However i'll be able to accomplish that. I hope i will. If i can't then i suppose being friends with her wouldn't be that bad. though i know that won't be enough for this damned heart of mine to accept  with just being friends with her.

I didn't get the chance to ask her about her Wishlist. I have to ask her sooner or later. > 3>
She also did asked me about the Girls i hang out with. From the Pics she saw in my phone. I suppose the pictures of the girls close to me are Misa and Fadilla. She asked me why i didn't take my chances and try to date with them. aha in my mind i was like. "Because i'm in love with you dummy >:P. But then again, They're just friends. And..idk. Never felt that way about them. Well that's that. I don't feel that way about them. Molly's different however. I don't even know why i put in such efforts for her. I don't know myself anymore teehee. e__e

Feb 12 (Magi Mee Together!!) PART 2!

So yea carry on from Part one ermm Molly ate her Bowl Of Mee fast sia. Like i dunno. like fast la! :D I think while i was on my 3rd Mouth, She finished alrdy. > .> i was busy blowing my food to cool it down. Not being a SlowPoke <. < Nvm la..idk idc...cheyy Step don't care only Farid Macam paham.

Oh yea FYI, I think i heard her mom said i look like Syafiq...Which Syafiq? o .o nvm nvm tmw can ask Molly. Eh but tmw's gonna be the first day which i'll be going to school with her sia! x3 Gonna beh picking her up at her place and we'll head to sch tgt by Train. ^^ If i can sacrifice my sleep of having to wake up SUPER early like at 5am and leave home at 5:45am then i suppose ive changed. And when i say Change as in like in the past i really never secrificed for anyone..even my ex sia. v .v farid what's going on with you...lol nothing bad i suppose. ^ .^ Well we'll see.

Molly been asking alot on GTA 5. Because its TOP of my wishlist..ohh GTA V please come to SIngapore asap. She asked on the Release Date, The Price and some other questions on GTA V. I find it weird to talk about games to a Girl. Somemore Molly don't look like she's a gamer. I dunno O__O

I dunno la maybe she wanna buy it as a gift for me lol Kembang sia..But no la. I don't like ppl giving me gifts. I love giving ppl gifts don't get me wrong but i dunno..I just don't like getting gifts from ppl. Like random Gifts la. If like Birthday gifts then i'll love it. But if random ones...I dunno. I'll appreciate it of coarse but...i'll feel bad somehow.

I'm thinking of what to get for her birthday sia..Which is in July still long but i'm already thinking of what to get for her. I want to it be special as its the First Birthday gift i'll be giving her so i'll put like a budget of $300-$500 Budget ^^. A Shoe? A Bag? Not sure yet....Q_Q Nvm lah ;) tmw can ask abt her Wishlist and i'll get some ideas from there.

Hmmm what else...Oh yea Gonna be playing Monopoly with her again tmw during our break. Gonna be winning her and will make her feel like a sore loser afterwards >:D err...I dunno :D

hmm. ^^ less then one month till my birthday yo! :D
Well Molly Molly Molly GoodaNito! Oyasuminasai! :D

Feb 12 (Magi Mee Together!!)

Today was another fun day with Molly. Even tho we didn't meet each other in person, We talked in Skype. Pretty glad that she recovered from her flu and can still smoke some more ah Molly eh? Maintain girl xP

I showed her a Documentary Vid on Plastic Surgery. It was on the Guy who went through like what? 90 Surgeries and spent over $100 000.00 US Dollars on his Surgeries. He wanna look like Ken from the Barbie series but tbh, To me he looks like a..nvm ;) who am i to judge? hehe

Afterwards, since Dania was with her, I introduced RayWilliamJohnson to them. Yea Ray isn't funny if you're a first time viewer of his vids. But in time, you'll come to find his Rude, Resist and Sexist jokes funny. MAGI TIME! :D

We ate Magi Mee infront of the Lappy on skype and watched each other ate which was a moment to remember i suppose ;3

That was me eating Mee and at that time she'd already finished her's. Hello i ate 2 packets of Mee ok? x3 She was Drinking Slurpee so yea.

Damn her sia i hate her >:( Her mom was looking at me eating and honestly i can't see them as i dunno? her Webbie cam sotsot i think. Serious! can't see her vid only her DP Pic Urghh. And i figured she was showing me to her sis or whoever but turns out that was her mom! Dx
Shouldve told me mah. I'd be formal rather then like being blurblur no clue whats going on.

Some more i can't say anything cuz my mouth was full of Food and i don't like to munch infront of tho who arnt eating >:( aha i don't mind actually. Whatever lah :D Wahh can't see the words alrdy on my screen. Can't scroll down somemore. PART 2! :D *Sexy Pose*

Feb 11 Skype Moments

Feb 11 (Skype)

Wake in morning Skype with Molly. We sang afews songs and yea. Lol currently chatting with her now so can't make it obvious that im updating this blog. no no its no...not true. Lol Molly knew that i'm typing a blog dedicated to her. Lol Mission fail. Haizz nevermind la. Later i go NS she'll be able to read it. :D

Sang a couple of songs on skype with Molly today. Came to love her her Niece. lol Molly said im handsome. Kembang to the max. We showed our Memory Boxes to each other so that was cool. Had to leave for Boxing practice. She waited for meh. Soo sweet siol -____-"

I actually thought of like bringing her out to eat satay since a friend of mine works at the satay shop :D.

Lol i think Molly has a fetish of sniffing ppl. She smelled Coffee on Taib. so like ya lah. lol know what? i'm back from kk nvm. Err yea she asked me abt my wishlist so here goes

1: GTA V (Coming out in April which cost around $70? or $80 in day one of Release date)
2: A Bike..Duh
3: A Wardrobe full of TopMens, Uniclo and Giodano's.
4: Like 3 Pairs of Shoes..yup
5: A Fish x3 But then there's bobby...Cats and Fishes don't get along well.
6: err Something to get for Molly's Birthday. :D

Yea that's kinda my Wishlist.
Molly's down with flu so hoping she'll get well soon.
She's Starting to feel Precious to me. Like someone whom i just wanna see smiling and being happy. I hope i can be someone whom can make her feel that way. I dunno really -_- hope so.

Glad Molly introduced me to Skype. Thanks to her :) Im fine with Blogging but Tweeting....Not my thing gurl x3 sorry tho.

Hope my feelings for her will stabilize soon. Im falling deeply in love with her everyday. But she can't know!! >:D I'll be by her side and just yea...well that's that. Farid you can do it! :D

Feb 10 (A Song Dedicated)

Today hung out with Molly after attending a wedding ceremony of a friend. It was raining alil and i forgot to bring along an umbrella. How dumb of meh ;3 and also forgot to ask Molly to bring her's along. Lol she some more asked me why i bother picking her up from below her voiddeck even if i dont have an umbrella. And honestly, I don't have an answer. I just thought of picking you up leh. > .>"

Afterwards matao a cig with Molly which she bought LD. saying cuz its my fav. She knows that i hate paul Mall and she loves it but she bought LD just for me? I don't mind la really. Cuz at first i figured i wanna like let her take all the cigs for herself. She wanna matao and she still bought LD. Like buy what you like la! ahaha..Well no matter la. I suppose i should make our friendship full of equals. Like err..I should really not like give her my all. Even tho i kinda like have a crush on her. Dunno why ah x3 She's like Miss Perfect to me somehow > .> ik nobody's perfect. However she makes me happy so whatever. idc.

I don't know really...ik i should'nt be too nice to her cuz people tend to take advantage of "Nice" people. Ik cuz i've been taken advantage of more then once. I sorta trust her. But she dont trust me. I did told her that i wanna form a trusting friendship between us but she kinda just laughed. Figured she didn't took me seriously. But i hope in time she will cuz i honestly am Serious about it. I find it hard to believe it also but she's prolly the first person i'm serious about. Misa didn't really deserved my care cuz she's like....a fucking bitch so yea. Lol i'm complaining like a chick sia. Haha whatever tho. I just care for Molly and that's that.

While slacking under the shelter there she played some songs but forgot to bring along her Cappo/Capo for her guitar and complained that most of her songs wouldn't sound nice without it. Hell i wouldn't know  as i don't know how to play a guitar. LOL. kk moving on.

She then dedicated a song to me which was ermm.."Everytime i think of you i got a shot something something song" I'd search the title of the song but...i'm too tired leh x3 sorry hor. Just got back sia and its 3am alrdy. Hung out with Billy for abit.

Molly then asked me questions like am i a good kisser and all. How the hell should i know? then she asked me to kiss her hand...so i did. Then she asked me to french kiss my hand which i didn't cuz it like disgusting like that sia. eww. Seriously Molly x]

 And then like things went on Normally. I did enjoy her company..but still kinda felt lonely tho. I don't quiet know who i am to her yet..and that kinda..scares me. Haizz...Toodles! :D

Feb 9th (A Poem For You YO!)

Today was preety much dull i suppose. I was working today and went back exhausted. Traded some texts with Molly. Promised to meet her tomorrow which is the tenth of feb. She actually made a deal that the next time we'll meet, she'd like to make it convenient for me and will be hanging out in my neighborhood which is in Bedok Riservoir. However, I would'nt wanna trouble her. Damn i'm too fucking nice sia. So yea, decided to hang out near her place in Semei to make it convenient for her.

She asked me to help take a vid of her while she sings. Molly has a nice voice and i'll gladly be her camera men. So long as she's happy, So am i. And i hope i'll stay this way and won't change. Still thinking of a Nickname for her. One that only i'll be using. Molly was the first one i decided on, However some of her friends used to call her that so that won't make it any special to me. I decided with Lynn or Lin since its part of her name. Lin is at least. They sound the same so who care's right? However, she didn't like that name so fuck it x3 Guess i'll still have to think about it.

Oh yea, I made a Poem for her while at work. it goes like this.
I wrote your name on the sands and the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name on the skies and the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name on my heart and forever it will stay.
Awsum right!?!? x3 ik ik.

Hmm what else was there? oh yea. I am planning to update this blog for as long as i'm close with Molly. Cuz i love her and all. She can't know tho. I would'nt want her to know. Not now at least. Its hard enough to stay friends with someone whom you're falling for. I scolded myself everytime i think of her because i wanna remind myself that i'm striving to be her bestfriend. However my heart is a bitch and thinks otherwise. The heartache of not being in love with her is a terrible ache which i have to deal with everytime.

I suppose its just a small price to pay. She's beginning to become special to me. I love her personality. I love the fact that she's faithful in friendships and relationships. That's why she's special to me and i'd do anything to make her smile. I know i'm not a funny guy to make her laugh and all. Still, I wanna make the effort to try. Damn. Tch watch meh x3 i'll make her happy. I'm sure. Well that's all for tonight. If i don't update this blog regularly, i have no rights to love Molly. I'll prove my love by my efforts and dedication. I'm just worried i might change one day. Damn me. :I

Feb 8th (A Good Day to Die HARD)

I decided that i'll just keep the expression of heartaches to myself. - .-

Today i went to watch a movie with Marly. it was a good day to die hard. Its a good movie i'd say. I cried in the Middle of the movie when the son accepted his father. Knowing how i'll never come to accept my dad that way. After he fucked up everything. Well that's just me. 

She was beautiful. And somehow, i came back to how i was last year. I remembered enjoying seeing her smile. which is a challenge to make her to smile. aha i guess its a price to pay for such a rewarding sight to her smile.

We were both tired afterwards as the movie ended around 11:20pm. We went straight to the bus stop and took our seperate busses. My goals after today will be to form a Trusting friendship between us. I want her to trust me and i also want to trust her. What are friends if they don't trust each other? For now, i still feel someone like a stranger to her without any form of trust. I'll given the most effort i'll be able to provide. 

My second Goal is to get a friendship band between the two of us. However, i'll wait till about four months before getting one. aha..damn me..

GoodNight Marly. 

Feb 7 (I fucked it up)

With the determination to ensure that bob stopped touching Marly, I spoke out. It started with a dream while i was taking a nap in the bus otw to school. I dreamed seeing marly crying and shaking with fear. That was all i can rememeber before waking up with anger. I was pissed...Determined. I damned anyone who'll make her cry. who am i to say that...

After i arrived in class i immediately talked to bob outside of the class and he Promised that he'll stop touching Marly. That actually took a weight of my heart which felt like it was pinned by a heavy concrete block before. Hearing him promise is like being revived. Worries disappearing. Problems fading away and knowing that Marly would be safe from being touched is enough for me.

but, Somehow i felt as if that wasn't the right thing to do. It felt as if i caused a distancing between bob's and marly's friendship. I don't want to be a burden to her. Knowing how little friends she has in class. It's a bad move for me to cause their friendship to distance itself.

I hate myself afterwards.
Damn the image of a knight in shining armor. i fucking caused her more problems. Dammit. What's wrong with me..

Feb 6th (The Two Stargazers)

I met up with Marly. However this time, it was just the two of us. We met up at semei. It was raining and i brought along an umbrella which i used to shelter her. I didn't care of i was out of the shelter of my umbrella and was alil wet. So long as she's fully sheltered by the umbrella and  won't fall ill.

Pethetic isen't it? I'm giving my all. Not even worrying about myself. Can't help it really. I love her. Well that was that. Afterwards she showed me her sunset. It's a Place which is peaceful and has a great view of a field. It was wet however and there was alil slight rain. So we decided to find shelter. We sat down and talked about our past. She told me of one of her female friends that she'd pushed away. They planned to head over to Johor for a day. Marly planned to surprise her with a train ride ticket for the two of them to take to johor and a book with some flowers. The friend of her's however cancelled the planned two-one days before their trip. With the excuse of having not enough money. Marly was dissapointed but handed the book to her with a help of a friend to do it.

I've felt the same way before. Being unappreciated, Left alone, Abandoned. However, We should always keep our heads up high and move on. Fight on Marly! :3

She also explained what happened to Syafiq and how the other guy left.
Syafiq changed totally and left Marly after all she done for him. I was dissapointed and a slight of anger. However, knowing how love change people, Who am i to be angry? i've left her before aswell....I'm no different.

But, She did wear a tank top and a 1990's type of Jeans with small patches of Candy which i find preety neat ;)

She also told me about how a classmate of our's
"Bob" which everyone calls him was recently taking his chances to touch him. She didn't like it, So do i. I told her to take a stand and tell him straight out to stop touching her. No touchie bItch! >:( However, I had the feeling that she'll only speak out once after he touched her again. I didn't tell her at that point however, But i planned to Speak out for her.

We went our ways home. And my love grew for her. I hate that. Fuck my love. I don't want it dammit. There's no chance i'll be with Marly so why bother....i just wanna be friends with her. i don't want to fall in love with her. Fuck me why do i have to suffer because of my own
Feelings?

There's no way to help it but to hope that my feelings disappears and to continue on and pretend to not have any feelings for her. Knowing me, It'll be impossible for me to get over her for since i'm almost meeting her everyday, And everyday with her just helps grows the feelings for her. I don't want it....i don't want to fall in love with her....i don't want to feel heartbroken. i hate my emotions. Damn farid get the fuck over with it goddammit.

Chapter 2 Part 1

It's 2013 and our Friendship continued. Now however, i still feel as if it restarted. I forgot who i was when i was with her back then. I forgot who she was. and i question myself who i should be. A Mask on my face.

Some things did change however, New Desires came about. That is happiness. ive known that she has been unappreciated and ditched by friends. Which was why i wanted to be someone who's there for her through ups and downs.

The first time we hung out with each other was dated fifth of February which was a Tuesday. Syabil was there and we hung out in Semei. We talked alil and she played her guitar which she was skilled at with afew more practices she will. Syabil taught her to play Avenged Sevenfold Soo far away. She caught on fast since she's used to the cords.

We then played a game which i personally think the name "Senerio" fits perfectly. A Senerio is given to the player. for example, You're on a date with your girlfriend. You're in a restaurant and soon, she said she wanted to go to the restroom. You waited. she took a long time to return however, You soon decided to look for her. To your surprise, You found her smoking outside beside the Toilet at a smoking corner. She had never smoked before. When you confronted her, She walks away. You'll either catch her and demand answers or just walked back into with her. When you finally had your answers, you were told that she's about to study overseas as is the will of her dad/parents. She's pressured and didn't want to leave you.

That's partly how the story goes. Its interesting and i'll treasure it.
After that Senerio game with Syabil, I happened to ask her about the Promises to her which i've broken. It was a promise i should never have forgotten-ed. A Promise that drained along with my old self. It was a promise that i'll never leave her.

I was stunned.
The Guilt of forgetting a Promise.
I hate the feeling. I hate myself. And i could'nt forgive myself.

But it was also the day that we shattered the Wall of Misunderstandings between us. Our Friendship starts here.

Chapter 1 Part 3

I was sure that she was pissed at me as her work pass took awhile to be ready for use. And i did told the supervisor to give me a call whenever the pass is ready for collection. However she didn't gave that call. Marly gave a call to the company and got the news that her pass had already been made and was waiting for collection for a few weeks. I was sure that Marly didn't trust me at that point. 

I took that as my fault and wouldn't blame her. However, to me, That supervisor caused our friendship to halt. It was kept in the dark and the two of us didn't talked to each other. my heart tore apart. The pain i felt, The Sadness i felt. Trying hard to get close to her and thus, This was the conclusion of my efforts. We stopped talking with each other...and we stopped going to the gym. I cried for her and all the pain i gathered burst out.

I changed and i forgot who i was. i lost all sense of love for her and i lost all chance of hope to be anything in her precious life i adored. I forgot who i was. Instead, I soon re-patched with an ex of mine.

Soon the year of 2012 came to an end and i stayed together with my ex. Still thinking about Marly once in awhile. I didn't know if i love Misa (My ex). I didn't know who i was. i was heartless. I couldn't care less of how much she loved me. Perhaps i didn't trust Misa as she wronged me once. But she paid a heavy price for her mistake and everyone deserved a second chance. Because of the silence between me and Marly. My feelings for her faded away and the things we did together was kept in the darkest corners of my heart. Deep within the Depts where sorrow laid. The Duct where the Dark memories i tried to forget sips in and lay await to rise when i'm venerable once again.

Things between me and Misa soon ended at the same time when i started talking with Marly again. Marly knew i used to love her and she rejected in a nice way which i don't mind. However, I know i'll turn into my old self again soon. Pulling back the sweet Memories that used to hurt me back into a place in my heart. A place where Memories are cherished and Loved to be recalled. 

I decided that it's best to keep my feelings hidden and put on a mask. A Mask to keep my feeling hidden. A Mask that hides the Kid that Loves her, Into the Kid that only wants to be her best friend. I don't know if keeping my love for her hidden is a good way. I don't want past mistakes to happen again. What other choice do i have? It's already 2013 and it feels like fate has pulled us together again. And i have to put this mask on. For her and our friendship.