Since I didn’t meet Molly today nor skyped with her, Obviously I can’t post about what we did together for the day’s Post. So I’ve Planned for the days where there’s nothing to post about, I’ll post about my feelings for her. J
I’ll call it, the Weekend trip to my Feelings. Yuppy.
To start off, I’d say that I love Molly. But it isen’t a friendship kind of love. Its Romance. And I fear that it’s just one of those love where the feeling will soon calm down and it won’t be called love. There’s a lot of things I love about Molly. Mainly, Her personality. She’s a Goody Good Friend, An exciting fella to be around (Once you get to know her) and she’s funny (At times Annoying) ;). A Sense of warmth to my heart whenever I see her smile. Which comes to me loving her Lovely smile.
Though, Sometime I felt like she’s faking her smiles. Molly had been through a lot of Painful Friendships and Relationships which I suppose I felt like the Need to make it up to her. I swear that the only things I’ve been thinking about are mainly to figure out how to make her happy. How to make her smile and How to make her laugh.
I’m not one who can make someone laugh. Maybe if I try hard enough, I’ll only be making fun of myself with Corny jokes or Comments. That’s the Most I can come up with. What my older sis has, The Outgoing personality and how she can make someone laugh, I lack in what she has.
I find it weird that I’m putting in a lot of effort in making someone happy. To put someone before me is new to me. For during my past relationships, I’ve never cared to make such efforts. I suppose that makes Molly special to me. Even I don’t get why I’m doing all the things to make her happy.
I don’t wish for her to know of my feelings for I worry that it’ll cause some….Awkwardness or Misunderstandings in our Friendship. For that, I’m Sacrificing my true feelings for her just to make her happy. She’s happy enough to just be my friend and I suppose I should be happy. Though it pains me to keep my true feelings hidden from her, I’d do whatever it takes to make her happy.
And I can’t risk taking any chances of finding out what might come should she knows of my true feelings.
I love Molly’s Pure Loyalty to her friendship. I know she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her friendship. But somewhere along her friendships, She changed. From what she told me, She stopped caring for those who don’t seem to deserve her friendship. For those who don’t deserve her love. If she loves someone, Boy she’ll love them.
I’m disappointed to hear of how people don’t appreciate the love she gave them. Molly’s a bright girl, A friendly person. But after what people did to her, She changed. I’d hope of changing her the way she way. To make Molly care again. To make Molly believe that true friendship that last forever does exist with the right friends.
Which is why changing her and making her happy comes first. I’ll be able to withstand the ache that comes when I keep my feelings hidden. It’s a Sacrifice I’ll make for her happiness.
Why am I keeping my Feelings hidden? Well…I suppose it’s the fear of losing her. For the Awkwardness that comes should I confess my love, She’ll leave. I don’t want that to happen. Molly’s the only one that keeps me going. Keeps me strong and Optimistic. Thinking about her smiles and her tears keeps me focus of my main Objective. Her Happiness! :D