Feb 18

Well looks like I still suck at pretending. Molly Found out that I like her but. Thankfully, All is well as she and I are still friends. Closer perhaps. I made a promise to her that I won’t ditch her and I made a promise to myself that I’ll put her before my feelings. Her happiness is everything to me. I also felt like I foist the friendship band to her. And she became honest to me that she still don’t trust me that well and she’s half heartedly wearing the Band.

I am to blame as I felt like I kinda forced her to wear it. She didn’t wanted to hurt me thus wore it without any second thoughs. I told her that it’s alright if she stops wearing the friendship band until she finally trust me one day. I respect that and I also felt like she needed more time. I left her once…and it’s a mistake I’ve regretted.

I personally asked that I’d take the band off her wrist. It pains me while I untied the band and took it off her. Those few seconds were painful. But it is part of the sacrifices I have to make. I have myself to blame. For should I had not left her once, things would’nt turn out this way. I suppose I’ve still much to do to gain her trust. Trust between us is vital for if I am to make her happy.

You can’t be happy with someone you don’t trust. It doesn’t make sense. She’d been through a lot and I suppose she disserves better. No matter, One thing I’ve learnt from getting close to her is to have Faith. To keep my hopes up. And keep on believing. For giving up will never be an option in our friendship.

She wrote a post for me on her tumblr.  She told me about the post. For she prayed to god to have her love me. Somehow, I felt like it wasn’t right somehow. I don’t want you to force yourself to love me just to make me happy. I want you to love me because you know loving me will make you happy.

I’ve come to push my feelings aside and focus on my main Goals. Molly deserves to be happy. And I want to see her Letting out tears of Joy before I can finally be at ease. I want to get her something special for her birthday. Something that I’ve never given someone as a gift before. I want my birthday gift to her to be something special. Something that shows her I truly love her. But for now, Seeking her love isn’t important. Like always, her happiness is.

I’ve decided on buying her a Doc Martin’s Tessles Loafers which cost around $240-$260. It’ll be the most expensive gift I’ve bought for a special person like Molly. And only Molly alone deserves such a gift for she has done soo much for those she love. I don’t want any form of repayment. Just a smile is enough for me Molly. J Its hard enough to have you understand how honest I am about making you Happy. Its hard enough to make you understand that most of my efforts isen’t for my love to you. But they were for your happiness all along. You may not believe that, But it’s the truth. And I can’t find any way to prove it. Hopefully, My Efforts will be enough to prove to you. I don’t need you to be in a relationship with me. I don’t need your love, all I need is you to be happy.

I know I sound like a Miserable guy. But that’s how I feel and I think that’s enough. If you’re reading this molly, Know that I love you and though this sounds corny, I can’t ever pass a day when I’ve stopped thinking about you. For everyday, You’re on my mind. Thinking of you warms my heart. And the best part. Seeing your beautiful smile is all the joy I’ve ever wanted.  Love Farid.