Monday, 11 March 2013

March 11

The Day started off with me picking Molly up close to her block, We walked to school, Smoked together and talked about how she was rushing and forgot alot of things to bring to school. While we're at school we had some problems with Bob and Molly's group. About how they keep on annoying her of wanting her to change groups. I don't wanna talk about it because it hurts and i can't even do anything about it because i'm fucking worthless.

I'll try my best to make this Post successful by covering up what we did for today. It hurts me damn badly. I just don't know how to help her and seeing her in pain is fucking hurtful when i can't help her God fuck me.

Syafiq called her the night before and yup. You know, you could've just told me about it and, i know i'm not anyone fuck. i can't do this i'm sorry.

March 10 (Longest Text EVER)

Molly really put in her heart and soul into this text.....right. Lol just Kidding! :D
But this is the longest Text I've received. Even my ex didn't send texts this long. ;] But i'm too lazy to read it so who cares? ;-D Jk.

21:28, 10 Mar

Good night (My Name). :D Please know that although i might have gone through bitter past,  and still striving my way to the exit of the dark tunnel, that i Believe i would see the light         sooner or later. And i want u to knw tht i don't have to be weak, i can choose between being       weak and strong. And i thought tht whn u came into my life, i hafta be strong. Why would i          ever let someone new suffer? they don't even understand wht i've been thru back then. Maybe its a start. A start of me not being selfish. Besides, you deserved the best. You did everything u could for me, n i just feel like u deserve something from me. N that is when n why ur birthday surprise is being held. Idk wht im talking abt. Im sleepy. Bt i hope these typings make sense,    Im just typing wht comes out from ma brain. No time to edit my grammar or whatever.          Here's to goodnight. Oh hope you still remember this 'i believed that we are meant to be          friends, for god has brought us together again after the first attempt of being close to you        went awry'. Hope you know what's the meaning of awry though. Cheers n see you tmr dude.         

That was what Molly sent me and it means alot although i don't agree with certain parts of her Text. For One, I want Molly to realize that i'm there for her. That i want to be there for her. To be the Friend that gives her the extra push she needs. To be the friend who could make her Smile. To be the friend that crave for her happiness (Awkward..) But honestly, That's the kind of friend i'd like to become. To walk in the dark tunnel alone seeking for the bright light at the end. It made me feel like i'm not there for her. Like i'm not doing enough. I don't want her to go through her problems alone. I wanna be her listener to her problems, the friend who gives her advice to her problems, I want to be the friend that helps her through the dark tunnel guiding her with a torch in hand. 

Secondly, the Phrase "I though tht whn u came into my life, i hafta be strong. Why would i let someone new suffer?" The First part, " I though tht whn u came into my life, i hafta be strong." I don't want you to be strong just for me, I want you to be yourself. To be sad when you're sad. To be happy when you're happy. All these while, at times when she's in a bad mood, She dosn't want to talk about her problems and it kinda make me feel like i'm a stranger to her. It hurts deep inside but i keep reminding myself that we've just become friends. But at the same time, it made me feel worthless and Useless as a friend who can't even help her with her problems. Maybe she doesn't trust me that much to share personal problems. Maybe, If she even shares it, I won't understand and i'll just listen and can't help her in any way. I feel kinda useless now. I can't think positively now, i just feel sad that as a friend, i can't help her. There must be something i fail to do to make her open up to me. Maybe its too soon...but then again, There are the sad thoughts that i have for being useless.

"Why would i let someone new suffer?" Seeing you keeping your problems within you and not opening up to me, Kinda tells me that you don't trust me that much yet, That you don't know me too much yet. I don't want to change from the pressure and sadness of being worthless and hopeless as a friend. I hate to tell this to myself, but whenever Molly silance herself from me,  I always tell myself, Who am i to her? and the answer will always be the same...a Stranger who's always there with her and nothing else. A Stranger that's always by her side by nothing else. I'm just sad with myself for not being able to do much for her. I don't know and i try my hardest to keep my sadness at bay. I don't want you to realize it Molly...I don't want you to feel anything for me, not anymore...i just don't know what to think. I can't tell you this in person and i also don't want you to know about it. But i just can't hide it. This text you sent me is mostly heartbreaking for me. I suppose i have to be honest, I still love you, I still have feelings for you. But i secrificed it, Though they still linger around. you're just an amazing person, I posted countless times of how you're Faithful to the ones you love, that you're beautiful both inside and out, That i charish you soo much till it breaks my heart everytime i see you sad. Not being able to help you with your problems shatters me as i could just walk beside you while thinking deep how i could've helped you. But no words can fit into what i wanna say. 

I suppose i should secrifice my love for Molly entirely and find someone to fling with. Maybe..just maybe i'll get over the love for Molly and finally be able to be friends with you without any feelings of love for you. Damn...i'm holding back my tears and it hurts soo much. I'm sorry to post this kind of sad Miserable fucked up shits about my feelings. I hate myself. I hate how i Love you. I hate how i always worry for you. I hate how i keep falling for you
everyday. But fuck it and i'll sacrifice it again. I'll do something about it. Aha..damn.
Tenth March....Hate it.

Saturday, 9 March 2013

(Birthday Letter)

Hi what's up! happy 18 Birthday <3

You're eighteen today! Today will be remembered in so many lovely ways.
 I wish you will always stay the same.
The (My Name) I knew 1 month 2 days ago.
Thank-You for all the things that you have done for me all these while. Picking me up under my void deck despite having difficulties waking up early in the morning!! Sending me back home when you are exhausted just to keep me safe from danger. The talks we had in the library when you cried away with me. These endless sweet, cute treats and gifts you gave me They were special, especially when they are all from you! The presents i have given you do not manage to convey how thankful i am to have you part of my life. I'm glad to have you around! I believed that we are meant to be friends, for god has brought us together again after the first attempt of being close to you went away. Thank-you for acknowledging me when no one else did. You're mind-blowing! Thank-you for the love you showered me with. Thank-you for making your birthday sweeter by coating me. Hehe! :P I hope that you'll enjoy your day today to the fullest! =) i am honored to e here with you. HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, (My name)!!!
Ps: Do not take advantage of your age to smoke more ciggarettes! :(
May God bless you always...

Always in my thoughts, (Her Real Name) <3

Friday, 8 March 2013

March 8 pt2 (Trouble in her heart)

Forgiving, Loyal to her friendship, Loving someone forever even after what they did to her. These are the main qualities that i love about Molly. And plus she's beautiful and sweet and cute and ik i treat her like my maid at times but she's special to me in alot of ways.

But while jogging, She told me that an Ex friend of her texted her saying that she missed Molly and all. Molly given her a second chance but never have she really appreciated Molly for Molly's Sacrifices in time and Money for her. ik money dosn't mean anything in friendships, well at least to me but it's just there.

Molly still loves "Her" but she also hates "Her".
She hates her for how "N" for short, Treated her like. How "N" never really appreciate Molly's sacrifices. They were close but perhaps from what i think is true about "N", She's one of those people whom takes Advantage of Molly. Throwing her around like an unused phone when they're happy. And taking her back when they're bored and have nothing better to do.
Thats what i felt about "N". And that is also what i told Molly.

But Molly loves "N" because of their History together. They spent alot of time together and they Bonded together like best friends. Even after all the Shits "N" did to Molly, It was obvious that Molly turned a blind eye just to keep her friendship with "N". But everyone has their limits and Soon, Molly pushed her away. Still, Molly blames herself and always asked if it was the right thing to do. Pushing people away that is.
"I pushed people away, People who don't deserve to be friends with me. People who don't deserve to have a friend like me."

That was what she said before and its an Eyeopener. Its True to what she said and it's damn straight up Reasonable but its also a strong sentence that we shouldn't use freely. For Molly's case, That sentance fits perfectly. She she's not to blame. It's her keeping herself safe and away from Heartaches that "N" might bring if she was given the chance.

But since i didn't know "N" that well and was just judging who "N" was from what Molly told me about her, I gave Molly two choices.
1. Molly gave "N" Another Chance and take the risk to friendship. Maybe "N" changed. Maybe their friendship might turn out beautiful this time..butt i have more doubts about this and i didn't think "N" Changed from what Molly told me. Plus, "N" was given a second chance  before to make up for her mistakes and to start their friendship anew. So this wasn't really the best option i can give.

2. The Second Option that Molly can follow is to continue doing what she always had done. To ignore "N"'s texts even though they're heartwarming and painful to read. But its just something Molly have to go through and move on about. To continue to ignore and live her life without turning back to look and recall back old memories with "N". Its sorta like you've written a long compo abt "N". And you read it back. Its painful and all. But to really help in moving on is to forget. It might be hard to forget. But with a Light or a matchstick, She'll be able to burn the Compo and in time forget what she wrote about "N". I wanna help Molly find that fire to burn her old painful memories. and i have just the thing for it. It might not be much but i hope what i'll give her on the eleventh of March might help her move on.
It'll be pethetic i swear but it soothes your mind if you know someone's going through such lengths just to make you feel better.

For me personally, I'll go with Option two. "N" Dosent deserve Molly and even after giving her a second chance, She still hasn't change. Chances might not mean anything but if it does, It'll mean a hell of alot. That's what i've learn to believe from Molly and i think that's a lesson i'll always remember. To love someone after all the shits they did to you. Do they love you the same way you love them?

After Jogging, we hung out with Billy as he came down and we talked about Various stuff like ways to train your legs, Fashions, "N", Religion and some various stuffs. I can't promise you anything...I don't know if i can even help you and be of use. But i'll try. You told me before that you can take care of your own life. But everyone needs someone behind them to support them when they're falling. I'll always be by your side.
                                                                        ThankYou Molly. Lots of Love from Me.

March 8 (Jogging With Molly)

March 8, Friday. No Class, No Plans and i was just sitting on my ass after waking up at 2pm and overslept after planning to head over to friday prayers. A Sin of Complacent that i'll have to atone for. So there i was at about 3pm with nothing on my mind. Bored to death, Used to the Ps3 games and got bored of it all. nothing to do on the internet that i cared to waste/Spend my time on. Before today, My phone's batt was already dead the night before and i came home late at abt 3am+. I Charged my phone (Without turning it on), Took a shower and hit the sack, Only to wake up at 2pm.

When i finally turned on my phone, all the messages came in. And most of them was from Marly and some from Billy. Billy invited me to Friday prayers and all and Marly, She was worried for me for i didn't replied to her messages as i both my phone and i was already dead/sleeping.

"Im Hme!tc!"
"U Hme yet?"
"Since im nt e first person to wish you on your birthday tday, i wanna b e last person to wish u then! Happy m18 *****(My name)! Hope u have had a gr8 day tday birthday boy! Goodnight n have a lovely dreams..:)"
"Need u now..:(" For this text, when i read it i was like...Shit..i wasn't there for her when she needed me. I felt guilty and apologized afterwards.

"Afternoon! I was so Worried for you yesterday! I thought you were Kidnapped or your h/p went missing! Never do that again!" It was sweet of her to be worried for me. Because Honestly, After all she been though with her last few bad friendships, I didn't think she'd care about any more of her friends. So i wasn't really expecting any sweet texts or sweet efforts from her for my birthday. Yes i know its my birthday and all but she could've just bought me presents and that's just it. I mean that's the most you could've did for if you didn't care that much.

But for her case, she went through alot of trouble for my birthday. From making a Clay Fruit Face sculpture art piece to Writing a Long sweet letter (Gonna Post in the Future), To start wearing the friendship band for two days now, To buying Movie tixs for us both and to buying a choc cupcake for me. She even fed me tho...gotta say that made my heart skip a bit. And not to forget giving me a hug. I know it dosn't sound much but it really meant alot to me.

Also i'm gonna be straight out on this one. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with befriending someone who has a crush on her and only wants to befriend her just because he still has feelings for her. Those kinds of Friendship might go two ways. The guy might lose his feelings and back away, As in throw away their friendship and became strangers just because he dosn't want to be heartbroken anymore. I did that once and i regretted it the first time.

Or the Guy could just Suck it up and be friends with the Girl. Keeping his Feelings hidden deep in his heart and hoping that one day, That feeling might fade away and they'll still be friends. Genuine friends. Best friends. It sounds like Friendzone and its exactly how i define the Term of being "Friendzoned" but i just felt like, well before i want her to be happy. Her happiness meant everything to me. Putting myself nowhere in my mind and its just her everyday. Hoping to be able to make her laugh and smile and be happy. At the same time not giving a damn care about my own self being. i tried turning myself into a robot, Reprogramming myself to be someone im not, Someone capable of making her happy. But in truth, That isen't what she wanted and its actually wrong.

So to make it Genuine, i sucked it up and tried to be myself. To Change myself at the same time of being honest and understanding, Calm for the most part. To really be myself with her, i noticed some...flaws? in being myself? I am harsh with the way i speak. If i speak to her in english, i'm calm for the most and i tried and i'm not saying i am but i tried being someone of basic Manners and to be formal to whom i speak to while speaking in english.

If i started to speak in malay however, I kinda think i sound like a "MatRep". Cursing from time to time. Perhaps its from Secondary school where i mixed around with those kind of friends. Well its not wrong i suppose but its rude if you're speaking to a lady. But hell she's a kickass girl what does she care? ahahahahlololo but anyways...getting lost in what i'm suppose to post here ohhhh right. Back to the

lmao i get lost in thought when i'm typing this most. Maybe this might even be the longest post with all the Bullshit from my heart that i flood into here.But while sitting on my ass, texting molly and telling her about how my phone was dead and how i was dead in sleep, She forgived me and she invited me to go jogging with her around semei where she lived. So we went and we jogged. While we jogged she told me that......

Alright i've really gotta put in a Part two for this post. This is getting too damn long. PArt 2! :D

March 7 (18 Alas!!)

Yup i turned 18 today and i celebrated one of da best Birthday surprises ever for meh and its from Molly :3 Loving her. We met up in school and it was normal for us. A Normal Day Alas without any Arguments. The days where the Roller Coaster ride didn't have any slopes and flew into the sky and we're still flying in it.

We planned to eat some Pizza at Pizza Hutt @ DowntownEast. Planned to meet up infront of Pasir Ris Mrt Station at e entrance to white Sands Mall. We planned to meet up at 4pm and i got there at 3:50pm. Just in time. So i waited...and i waited...and i waited..Seeing trains arriving on the train platform above and seeing Passengers enter and exit the station but none of them were Molly. So i was thinking..."Da Faq is she?" But i was Patient, Always has and always will be. Kept on waiting till about 4:13pm, Molly's Second sis texted me saying that Molly just left home. I was like "Oh" lol i wasn't mad or anything, just annoyed that she was late.

Since i was waiting for her all alone and had nobody to talk to, i texted with her sis alil. She's a great lady and funny for the most time. Turns out, Molly arrived at 4:40pm I waited for her for about 50mins. And damn i was surprised at how patient i can get. She apologized and i forgived, saying that her punishment for being late will be to eat more Pizza's. She gave me that "What the fuck..that isen't even a Punishment" with a smile. It makes me happy to spoil her at time but i don't wanna ruin her by making it a habbit. So we looked around and finally found Pizza Hutt which turns out to be an Outlet that's based for Delivery and not a Restaurant Outlet. We were dissapointed but i knew that we have domino's somewhere around there and Saprino's which if its how you even spell it. Seperino? i dunno.

Since we never tried Seperino's before, we decided to try it out. Its on the First floor of Ehub and its right infront of the Bowling place..whatever yes the Bowling alley place. We ordered our pizza and sat down. While waiting for the Pizza to arrive, Molly said that she has to be excused to head to the washroom. So she went up the escalator.

Afew Mins after she left, I kinda wondered where the closest Washroom was, I knew that MOST malls in singapore has a Washroom for each level. So i turned around and Noticed a Washroom on our level but Molly went up to the level above. I figured well maybe she didn't noticed that there was a washroom around so i didn't thought anything about that. The food came but Molly didn't and soo i waited again. When she finally came back and sat down, I asked her where was the Tissues that she wanted to get since that was the Sole reason she wanted to go to the Washroom. She said she had to wipe her face and used the Tissues there.

There i was again clueless at how weird Molly was but still didn't suspected anything. She then asked me for a lighter, saying that she wanted to smoke. I was like...."Ok the food is coming, you can smoke later after we eaten." She didn't gave up on my lighter tho and i was starting to suspect something. She then asked what brand my Lighter was. I told her it was from BIC and she said that she wanted to see it. I figured it was just an Excuse that she wanted to smoke so i didn't gave it to her. She persuaded me saying that she's not even gonna smoke here in the Mall so i figured its not such a big deal, maybe letting her hold onto my lighter would make her keep Quiet. Its like handling a child and its cute. She then did something with the lighter under the table and before long, Popped out a Small Choc Cupcake with a Candle ontop of it.

It was a shock and it was heartwarming. I didnt expect that she'd get something for me on the day itself  because before, she told me that she didn't get to work and is held back on her pay to get me any presents. I didn't mind about presents tho, Getting to meet her is the best present she could give me. She also handed me a Round Box tied in a white ribbon. It was my presents inside. When i wanted to open it, She told me not to let too many ppl see my presents. "Is it your laundry? I asked Jokingly." Turns out, Its was three pair of Topmen Boxers all of different color and design. I was like.."LOL..What?" I didn't ask her why it'll be boxers and it was damn weird to be getting underwear from your best friend. She said that she thought it was cute. Inside the box was also a small clay painted fruit with a face. She painted it herself and it'll serve as my Clay piece pillar of strength. She troubled herself to make it.
There was also a long letter which i'll post in another post...the COntents of the letter i mean. Along with that is a pair of Movie tixs to the "Wizard of Oz". She bought it with the excuse of "Going to the Washroom" That was why she was late. She also returned my friendship band which even though i thought i didn't deserve it yet for not trusting her and all, I missed wearing it as it reminds me about Molly every time i look it it.. it reminds me that i have a wonderful girl as a friend. someone who i truly treasure and someone whom i love.

I was stunned and caught offguard. I figured that since she went through alot of bad ended friendships, she would'nt care much about my birthday but it was sweet and there's nothing more i could've asked from her. It made me realized that Molly's indeed an Amazing friend and for that Moment, i fell in love with her again. I knew i can't and i secrificed that for our friendship but there was that feeling and i could'nt help it.

Along with the Presents is also a Crime Thriller book titled ANATOMY OF FEAR by JOHNATHAN SANTLOFER. it was sweet, Lovely and i could'nt ask for a better Birthday surprise. i'd hope that i could repay the same for her birthday.  After we ate we smoked and she played around with my hair trying to style it. While she was infront of me, i could'nt control my feelings. I loved her soo and it's hard to hide the feeling. I became bold and didn't care of any bad consequences that my follow after what i'm about to do. I pretended that something's on her head and held her head with my right hand. I pulled her head closer to mine and kissed her forehead. It sent a tremble in my heart as it was the first time i've kissed Molly. It was the First time i kissed someone's forehead before. And it felt Special and it was worth it because its Molly.

We watched Movie and kissing her Forehead was enough to content my heart and keep it hidden. After the Movie however, She wished me another happy birthday while we were walking to e bus stop. She stopped and spread out her hands to hug me. I froze there for a moment, Not believing the turn of events. I've always thought of Hugging her when i'm leaving for NS and kissing her cheeks before falling in with my platoon. It was a sweet moment to think of. A Sweet Moment to plan for. But she hugged me and i hugged her. My heart trembled again but i forced to keep it locked up. I was happy. Thankyou Molly.

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

March 6 (I'm Weird?)

Yup Weird/Weirdo whatever, Been called that too many times to the point where i have my eyebrows raised to the climax. Lol but seriously. Got me thinking. and what's bad about it is that all the people who calls me weird is Molly's friends. What is going on? Everything was peaceful and suddenly on the way back when the chapter of the day was closing, Everything went haywire. o .o I just do get it and i don't like it. Us being in all kinds of shits because of something small or big we're just arguing/fighting alot lately. 

I hate it? Don't like it never will. I don't give a damn if you call me weird or whatever i'll just have to accept it. Its what you judge me and its who i am to you i respect that. Peace. But on another note ermm...i tried to be myself with Molly and i don't know if its going well. I have a slightly harsh way of speaking, I'll raise my voice alil even tho i'm not angry and it'll give the people an idea that i'm mad at them but No. I'm not. I'll tell you if i'm mad at you but if i'm raising my voice just to get my point over to you, Then its just me trying double hard to let you UNDERSTAND me. Really.

It all started peaceful i suppose. I woke up late because i'm not suppose to pick Molly up from school and didn't really have any motivation to wake up. Ended up waking up late, Purposely of corse i woke up to edit the alarm all the time. Came to school at nine and Molly at ten. We went for a smoke where i was given two stick by her. And i'm paying her back tomorrow. And it'll be Winston. The Cigarette brand that i DON't hate but the Cigarette Brand that i CAN'T love. its in between Loving and Hating. Yup and err....yea about the weird part. 

I donno. I don't blame anyone, I'll accept it. I'm Weird, I'm a weirdo. Moving on. Yea i can't seem to understand why our days are like following a Damn scheduled. Our Morning would be damn peaceful but when it time for us to part ways or going home, Something will happen and we'll end up arguing or losing trust in one another. Damn. What is going on? I don't know it's either we did something wrong somewhere or just a damn Sway Coincidence that we're suppose to have a fight right after a great day tgt. 

Oh yes and Tomorrow is 7th March Yup. My Birthday. Yup. Kinda Miss Luna and all but Nope, It'll at the back of my mind and i'll lock it deep in my heart till i forget about her. She gave up on me and i'm just repaying you with the same gesture lady. But yes it's my birthday and i'll be eating at Pizza Hutt with Molly. I had to lie to her again tho. My mom and sis are busy to celebrate so i only have her to celebrate with so yea. Its my money, Not my Moms. ^^

I can't tell her the truth..if i do she won't be coming along. Sorry yo ;)
err..oh yea i'm alil sick. I can't seem to eat much then how i'm used to. it like...i wanna eat but when i see a bowl of delicious porridge, My stomach turns numb and you'll feel soo damn full even on an empty stomach and just wanna puke. Thought of seeing a doc but i think i'm improving towards getting well soon. Tomorrow, have to act normal towards Molly tomorrow. Damn i don't wanna lie to her. This Money thing is the last lie i swear. If i'm still feeling the same thing while sitting down infront of pizza's, I'll tell her straight out. 

She's frying some eggs for supper. I'm gonna head in, Been feeling weak since i've been down with this....CONDITION :3 Peace Out Bitches.

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

March 5 (Change)

I have to keep believing that i'll gain trust in myself and Molly's Trust. I'll have to be myself and stop giving it my all just for her happiness, Doing that makes me happy but caring for her and not caring about myself isen't right. My goals of her happiness much also be for my own happiness. Seeing her happy is my happiness but its just me giving my all for her happiness alone and not caring about myself.

I've been trying soo hard just so that she'll trust me. But things has to change. I'll have to care for my own being. To care for myself.

Fifth March. The Day Commemorates our 1 month of friendship. We've came from Strangers to Friends. But there's still lack of Trust. We don't share things that normal friends do. We're just there for each other but never having that friendly closure. I'm only expecting too much for now and that's my loss. Farid be yourself and do things that makes you happy! :)

We've had alot of arguments and i must admit all of which started from me and my problematic attitude of keeping things and lying too much. Which is why i wanna change for the better. To be honest. To change into someone whom Molly trust, Someone whom care's for himself and others. I've always been putting others before myself and look where it had gotten me. Used by my ex and abandoned by former friends just because i'm starting to be myself and starting to have the attitude of putting myself before others. They expected too much from me. They just don't understand. I'm sick of always being used and taken for granted. Abandoned when i don't put them before myself. That's how Dan is and i don't know what's wrong with Luna. But what i want is to form a trusting friendship with Molly.

It's not about putting her before me. Its about being Truthful to her. Not keeping things hidden and suffering alone. Its about me sharing my joy and pain with her. Sharing things with her to help her understand me better. That way, she'll open up to me and slowly...slowly but surely, She'll open up to me. I'll have to understand that and understand the Painful past she had. I'll have to be understanding. That's one more thing i'd like to change into. An understand person who dosn't force people to do things my way. I've always shunned Sam's Demanding attitude where else i have the same attitude as him.

Other then that, i'd hope that tomorrow will be a better day when i'll have work on changing myself for the better. I'll test out on not forcing Molly for tomorrow. Ask once and not more then that. :) I'll manage if i put my mind to it.

I asked molly to have faith in me and not give up in me. I've recently started to understand my faults and somehow, i kept denying to myself that i'm the one who's wrong. I kept telling myself that people don't understand me. It's the Pride i suppose. To keep the Winning Image that i'm right and everyone else is wrong. But no. That's not how i should be. I'm better then that and i know it. I managed to change into someone strong. I can't cry anymore over my problems and that's progress that i've changed. Now is to not be forceful and to be Understanding.

Molly is right, I lied too much just to get the things i want. Giving people a bad image and showing people that i'm the only right person around. That makes me no different that that Man of a Father i have. I despise him and i'll never be like him. He volunteered to be a bad example in my mind and i'll thank him for that. I'll work towards being someone better then him. Someone honest, Responsible, Understanding, Strong Will and Strong in controlling my emotions. Keeping my anger at bay. These i the things i want to work on.

Thanks for believing in me Molly And please, Keep believing in me and don't give up on me.

Monday, 4 March 2013

March 4 (Who am I?)

Picked up Molly at 6:40 and went to school as per normal. Didn't talk much...i guess we're  getting comfortable with each other.

I'm really alil disappointed when she didn't told me about syafiq. Syafiq Texted her saying that he missed her and all that but she didn't told me about it. I did asked her why she didn't told me and she said that i would'nt be interested in it. I was like..."Who am i really in your life?" it was have a feeling that you're nobody in the life of somebody you care for. And honestly, I'll just leave it in your hands to do whatever it is you wanna do. Besides who am i in your life?

I don't want to dwell in to much and i can't expect to much since we've been friends for just a month. I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't even think i should be all dramatic about Friendships....i don't care what i think anymore. Never in the first place have i cared. Its always been fine with putting Marly first. But damn it don't feel like its right anymore. I'm just gonna suck it up and pretend that nothing happened. 

I don't want to see her hurt again but then again..who am i? I don't know syafiq well so i don't have to right to say anything. I just feel worried for her sake that Something might happen. But then again...Who am i?

Saturday, 2 March 2013

March 2 (Doodling)

Didn't get to see her but she greeted me a Sweet Good Morning which i had to wake up an hour earlier and text her. But i had no problems with that. I enjoyed Texting her. Well she firstly she showed me a Math Problem which had me and my "Dad's" name in it.

Yup that's the One. Was preety like..."Damn..way to start a day with this dude on my mind" But i didn't care anyways. Its just something funny. :D She then drew me something cute.

I figured that was a house and Molly was saying something like we're living together? But turns out that's a Rocket. :) That's not a rocket silly!
And Somehow, i look kinda fat...and what's with my face? lol x3 Nevermind :) 
Well She did went jogging with her sister which is pretty neat. Gosh, Gotta go Jogging with her one day...or with my sis. Its been awhile since i went jogging. She also told me that she won't be working tomorrow and thus she won't be able to get my birthday present in time.
I'm turning 18 in four days! can you believe that? its too fast...But i don't care much about my
Presents, Having Molly with me is the only present i want. Or a Hug from her, That'll be pretty neat Lol x3  Oh and yes i've finally uploaded the Pics we took in Changi Airport
on the 1st of March yesterday :D

I feel like a Midget. :(
Her big bro will be coming over her place tomorrow so i won't be messaging her that much :)
Time for her to catch up with her bro before he'll have to leave overseas again. She gave me another surprise drawing which is preety cute tho ;)
Awwwwwwwwwwww!!! x3 Soo Cute :D
Her Moon looks like Shafiqa's FloorBall's Ball.
Ouhh Shafiqa...x3 Just kidding ;D
.......Damn son......xD ahaha
Well that's all for tonight's post. Wosh Wosh.
Oh yea Molly wants to Pierce her septum and i'm totally against that cuz it looks.... indecent for a lady. But it would'nt be wrong for her to try out i's just a pierce right? How bad
Could it be? :D I wanna be there when she's having her piercing so that i'll held her hand when she's in pain...ouhh would'nt that be cute. x3 GOGOGO!!

this is :)

Friday, 1 March 2013

March 1st (You Coward Farid!! >:( )

Its a Friday today and we didn't have classes so i figured that since we have a PLC test coming up this Monday, I want Molly to Ace the test so i planned for a study date with her at Changi Airport just to help her up. And i swear that i'd stop spending on her.

I planned to have the Study session at twelve but plans changed since i wanted to head to Friday Prayers hoping that Accepting my religion would help keep me calm. It does help and i felt calm. Finished Prayers at 2pm and took a longer time while waiting for the bus. Didn't bother much about it but ended up meeting Molly under her void at around 3pm. She waited for me for 2-3hours. We talked about stuff and i noticed that she got her cheap Monday bag delivered and she was already using it.

Disappointing thing was that it was not the real one. I wouldn't say it was a scam on the seller's part. Molly should have asked the seller if it was the Authentic version. Turns out the Seller Painted the Skull-Like Mascot onto a white bag which you could easily find for $5.
Felt bad for her but shit happens. Gotta accept that the world is a cruel place.

We walked through some Residential houses to reach our Bus Stop. There, we also talked about how pissed she was with her Job. For the Job to cancel her Work Booking and called in the Regular's which are Elderly. I can't say much but you cant just cancel someone who had booked to work. It's just not right..But these are just past and Parcel in a job. Shit happens like it does everywhere else.

When we arrived, I got some Cookies and a Coke for refreshments in-between study breaks.
I taught her the basics and the things she needed to know for PLC. I taught her preety much everything that i understood on PLC. And she caught on pretty fast. Proud of her. Gave her some Exercise on X,Y,Z Movements, Offset Methods and the Wait Time Method which she'd  understand in just a matter of two hours. I'll run through some more on what i've taught her on Monday while we're going to school.

My Mom came around while she was on break and i caught on with her. She also talked alil with Molly and even Bought Molly a cup of Sundae Ice Cream from MacD. Guess me and My mom have something in common afterall. Well played Mom x3

After My Mom Left for work, I taught Molly alil more as we sat down at the Viewing Bay in Terminal 2. After that, we smoked at Terminal 3 where she opened again on who she should invite on her chellet on her birthday. She left alot of her former friends just not to get herself hurt since they don't really deserve to have a friend like her. Hell sometimes i don't even think someone like me who lies alot and don't even have a  damn clue why he lies to deserve someone like Molly. She's precious to me and i'm worried that i'd hurt her again. If i do, I might take a step down. I don't want to hurt her which was why i asked her to bare with me. She didn't want me to promise her that i won't lie again and i understood why she took Promises are meant to be broken.

Can't blame you for the things you been through. And i even though i don't understand what you've been through, I hope i won't be an Ass and turn out to be the same as your former friends. I don't trust myself so i don't want Molly to trust me. I've been putting on a mask since i was a kid and i'll always pretend to be someone i'm not. Which now, I don't even know who i was. Who i am and who i'm suppose to be. It suck to forget your true self. Maybe i'm just being myself the whole time. Someone who lies alot and is a Coward to not being Honest. I won't accept that. And even if that is who i really am, I'll promise myself what i can't promise Molly. I promise to be honest and stop denying the truth. I won't lie again. I had to have Molly keep my friendship band because i don't deserve to wear it when i don't trust myself. ahh....damn damn damn. I'd really wanna change and change takes time.

To be Honest to myself and to others. I've stopped caring about Luna and everyone else who left. Maybe they were right...i changed. Maybe that's why Misa left. Tch i don't care anymore. To change myself is my top Priority. Once i've changed into someone Molly can trust, then and there i'll focus on making her happy. To change. I'll change. Heh i'll prove myself that i will. Hang in there for me Molly. Bare with me.

27 Feb (Don't Be A Jerk Jonny)

The day was when i was awarded "Jerk Of The Day"
Close to fucking up but it was me taking a fall.
Picked her up and had a Normal Walk to the Station. Pretty Normal and didn't expected the least the day would end in disaster. I was pretty much about to enter the Gates of Oblivion and Coming out an AssO.

She talked about how excited she was about getting her new bag which is a Cheap Monday white Side bag  with the Cheap Monday Skull-Like Mascot on it. And it was another Normal Train Ride to school. Still didn't expect i was about to enter the gates of Ob yup.

it was in school while i had my Smoke Break when i received a word of warning that my Bursary Money would be collected by "Someone" and i was warned. Pretty Disappointed but i sucked up all my sorrow and sadness up.

While in class, Molly was enjoying herself teasing me with the finger and calling me a bitch. Figured that it was her way of Cooling off somehow and i don't mind. Buttt i took a step alittle too far for my legs to catch on. I called her a Bitch. Just playing around of coarse  She didn't like that one bit. It was wrong of me to call her a bitch for she's a "Girl" and for me to call her a bitch is alil too much. We didn't talked much and again...I was disappointed with myself. God really, I've been disappointed with myself over alot of things. And they weren't just small things either. They were dick moves that i made.

I figured that if i'd acted normal, she'll cool down. Didn't work, She's still pissed off with me. So i thought...maybe my surprise for her might cheer her up alil. We had lunch at Kofu but after settling our plates on the table, i excused myself to the toilet. Actually i was also feeling damn fucked up about my Bursary probs and felt like breaking down plus the damn Disappointed feeling with myself, I could've broke down but i tried hard to swallow it down.

So i went quickly to the new Yogurt shop and grabbed two err...can't remember the name of that ice-cream-type of-Yogurt. But i surprised her and she cheered up. After that, We smoked at our usual under the void deck peaceful spot and i opened up to her my probs with the Bursary thingy. It was all cool and all and we got together well i suppose....o .o;

MoveJ, p2(0,0,100),fine,tool0;
Alright totally random Moving On.
Ermmmmm. The Drums, Cheap Monday We were in the Library and i listened to her past while she was with "M" It wasn't a sweet story to begin with. Her part was but "M" was kinda a Jerk. Didn't like her one bit that "M"..Not Molly...the Other "M"....yupp

Err Fast Forward and i raised my voice to her when i forced her to answer a question she can't answer. Dick move Bro...Dick Move. I feel like a Bitch now. Seriously.....BITCH..ME BITCH.

Cried in the Train cuz i can't hold everything together. All the things i swallowed hard to suck it up came out like Puke. Can't stop it and it all came out in tears. I couldn't control my anger and raised my voice......I HATE MYSELF...REALLY I DO. FUCK MY LIFE. SOO DAMN EMOTIONAL. WHO THE HELL RAISE THEIR VOICE TO SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT. WHAT KINDA GUY AM I? I'M A PUSSY THAT'S WHO. A DAMN PUSSY COWARD. -_______- Disappointment Disappointment.


Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Feb 26 (Cookies)

The Day started pretty Hectic For me. Had to wait for her at a "Playground". I was half asleep and didn't even thought of asking her which playground it was. I'm an Idiot ;P
So i waited at the Playground which was close to her place. And so i waited. She Seems to take forever to arrive and i was damn worried that she might have meant to wait for her at a playground somewhere else. But that wasn't really important, She came down late which was why i was worried. Might hafta get her a prepaid card. I need her to have it in case something like this happens again.

During class however, She didn't cease to impress me with her quick to grasp on the things i teach her. Of course i'll be planning for a study "Date" to help her get a hang on things. Tho i slept during Lectures and might need her help to catch up what i missed during my trips into my dreams. We ate Cookies and i opened up to her again on my probs about my father. Didn't really wanted to tell her but she'll have to know to understand who i am. I hope she'll accept me for my dark sides towards my dad. How much i hate him and all that.

She got bold today tho, By bullying me. Sure of course i'll be able to handle her since she's dear to me. But if it was someone else, i'd be annoyed. Amazed at how i can manage to stay relaxed with her dissing me by trying to make me trip and fall. Lmao its like i'm someone else when i'm with her. Funny..:)

But i enjoyed today and oh yea, tmw i have a surprise for her. A New shop selling Yoghurts or icecream whatever is it opened up recently and i don't think Molly knows of it. Gonna surprise her by treating her to something that they sell there. Just because i like to see her happy and surprise her. She won't see it coming. Trust me on this one ;) i'll be planning on having her wait for me after we ate with the excuse of heading to the washroom while i'll make my way to the shop. Hopefully it won't be packed tmw. We'll see.

We'll see :) Can't wait to see the smile on her face tho.
Preety much it for today. Gonna Post all the Post that i've yet to post up since i had problems with connecting to e internet. Yup Yup. ^^

Feb 25 (Another Version ;S)

Feb 25th
Finally, the day when I get to go to school tgt with her again. Gave her them cookies which she loved. Could be a habit tho, Giving her cookies on Mondays that is. We’ll see how it goes ;)
She was cheery earlier this morning, We walked to the MRT as per normal and smoked afew while she ate one of the Choc Cookies. She has the smile on her face which is the one thing I’ll be wishing to see at the start of my everyday’s. Oh and yes, she has a Cookie dance which I’ve yet to see how It goes. Can’t wait to see it tho. Cookie Dance!!! ;3
Oddly tho, she dislikes ChipsMore cookies, Stating something like they aren’t actual cookies. O. o I don’t get you ma friend. I’m not a cookie person so preety much forgot two of her fav cookies. Nvm, Will just grab Famous Amos Cookies for Special Occasion, Like her birthday for once. J
She also talked about how she got into a fight with a China Lady whom is her colleague, Something about Teas Spoons and Stacking of Plates. Teamwork meant anything to you lady? I can’t say cuz I don’t even know this lady but from what I heard from Molly, The China lady was rude and shouldn’t have acted the way she did towards Molly.
Her sis in law also gave her a Grey Colored Mango Jeans which Molly used Black Dye to dye it so that she’ll be able to wear it to school. Pretty innovative I’d say. She didn’t even got caught by any of the SGO’s which I’d say she’s just Lucky. ;)
During PLC Class, I helped her understand how the things works and tried my very best to help her understand how she’ll be able to Create her own Program to work on the Robot. I’m Proud of her since she’s catching up on the things I’ve taught her. However, We do have a test next week so I’d be Revising the things she’ll need to know about the test. I want to see Molly succeed and if I’m successful, I’d be so damn proud of her. What are friends for eh? ;)
During break however, I kind of snapped. I just became angry at everything, My Dad, My ex and even a guy in my class. Cursing infront of Molly isn’t something I’d like her to see me do. I regret not being able to control my anger and I promised myself I’ll never Snap again. At least not when I’m with Molly ;) She don’t need to see me like that and I don’t want to trouble her by sharing my Problems. There’s just no way neither of us can help with the problems I’m facing. Of course I’m aware that sharing my problems with her will help me calm down and help her understand me more but the problems I’m facing are just, well they’re not really personal it’s just that, I don’t want to make Molly worry for my well being. I promised myself that I won’t have these problems affect my Studies. Hell they’ve already did enough by affecting my appetite. But that’s that. :/
During tea Break however, We ate at Central Delights and we kinda had a small argument about Aisah. She told me that she Misses Aisha but she had already stopped caring. The way I picture it, You’d either Miss someone or you don’t care at all. If you don’t care about the person, You would’nt be missing him or her. But that how I’d see things if I face the same situation as her. Honestly I have, And Reminding myself that those people don’t deserve my Care and time helped me a lot in “Not giving a Fuck about them.” However, Molly took it as I don’t really understand her. And I feel the same way to be honest. I don’t know how she feels, I don’t know what problems she has with Aisha aside from the fact that Aisha always ditch plans on the very last min and they’re drifting apart after they spilt classes. I want to understand you Molly so that Perhaps then I’d be able to help you. But you never really share much to me and I can’t really fully understand you. I feel your pain and it hurts me as well seeing what you’re going through. But I know that even if I completely understand you, Its between you and Aisha and there’s really nothing I can do to help. Only you can help yourself Molly. Stay strong and Time will reward you in its own way. You don’t have to worry about anything as I’ll stay by your side for as long as you need me ;)
Part two. During Lunch, We slacked outside of the Campus with Billy and he told us that Aisha is currently dating his brother. However, Aisha didn’t told Molly about her new relationship and I know that hurt Molly. A Feeling that someone once closed to you kept something that special from you. And you loved them but they weren’t around when you need them the most and they don’t share things with you. Much like being strangers with the person you love. I’m sure Molly’s trying to find a right way of handing her friendship and I’ll support her in rebuilding her friendship with Aisha. But like I said, that’s entirely up to Molly.
There are ups and Downs in friendships but to me, It’ll be a long slope down before there’ll be a hill to climb back up in their friendship. As for our’s, I’m not sure where the road will take us yet. I’m constantly Changing my Attitude and Personality, Well Change isen’t the right word, More like I’m Constantly trying to improve myself so that I’ll be the perfect guy to be Molly’s Best friend. I don’t want to disappoint her. Never again.
After that, Me and Molly didn’t talk much until the day ended, Molly went down with Manses and she  had stomach cramp. Seeing her in pain hurts me. And the only way I knew I could help was to have her take in some Panadol to help relief the pain alil. But she insisted in not taking them as she had always took them for her migraines. She’s a Stubborn girl and never have I once won a debate with her.
Thus I gave her another deal, Either she eats one Panadol or I’d send her home. I wanted her to be safe and I fear and worry that something might happen on her way home and I’m not there. She tried to change the topic so I went with the flow. Right as our train arrived at my station, I didn’t get off as I’ve not finished my part of the deal. She didn’t eat a single panadol and so I’ll be sending her home.
She was disappointed that I troubled myself and I keep telling her that I don’t care if I’m being a nuisance but so long I’m sure she’s fine on her way back home, It’s a Sacrifice I’d gladly make.
One thing to remember about Molly is that even though she’s sick, when it comes to sport, She’ll participate even if she just recovered from a spirant  ankle or is currently having stomach cramp, She won’t push the offer of participating in Sports games away. Like I said, she’s stubborn and I’ll be keeping a close eye on her no matter how she feels about it. If she thinks I’m being a nuisance and wants me out of her life…then I wouldn’t know what I’d do. Knowing her, that’ll be the last thing she’ll ever think of.
Anyways That’s it for tonight. My eyes are heavy and I’d like to continue but I’ll leave it for tomorrow to make the finale edits and Post everything I’ve yet to post, Starting from Feb 22nd. Whew. Nights Molly, Stay strong and Stay Safe. Lots of Love,….Pinochio. ;)

Feb 25 (The Black 25th)

Feb 25th
I snapped. I showed her my Anger, Something that I didn’t want to show her. A Side of me I didn’t want her to see. I snapped. I can’t take it, All the problems that occurred to me. I just can’t see Molly as my Pillar of strength. I don’t want it to turn out this way. She made me happy, But that isen’t enough. I..just can’t forget my problems anymore. It wasn’t like this before, Every time I’m with her, Problems didn’t really faze me. But now, They just came and I can’t take it. To show my anger in front of her. I didn’t want her to see it.
She fell sick, I had to do something about it. Seeing her in pain, It hurts when there’s nothing you could do to help. I had to get her some panadols to relieve the pain alittle. But she didn’t want to take them, Saying that she took too much. Still, She suffers. The Pain may not be great, But seeing her in pain is still hurtful. I had to send her home.
But I know that she’s hurt deep inside after all that happened between her and aisah. Their friendship is pulling apart and there’s nothing I can do to help. I guess, there are things that I can’t do anything to help but just watch as it uncovers before me. Its something that I’ll have to accept. I don’t know why I care where others would’nt even take this far as for a friend. Maybe this is too much…Maybe I’m sacrificing too much. No I won’t stand by that. Molly is a great friend which I keep dearly close to my heart. I don’t want to return to who I was back then. I want Molly to change me. I don’t care about my past anymore. I just don’t. Dammit…I’ve to start putting on a mask. I know Molly just wants to help. But its not something I want her to trouble herself with. It’s a path that I’ve to thread alone. Seeing that kid in the library screaming in anger. I sorta understood how he felt. We all would snap at one point.
Maybe my time is soon to come. I just hope my fall isen’t too deep. 

Feb 24 (Making a Habit)

Feb 24th
Turns out Molly works together with her 2nd Sister, At times I think..not all the time…Maybe..I dunno..Gotta ask her tmw. And Finally I’m going to school with Molly again tmw ^^ Goodbye boring bus rides. Hello fun Train ride with Molly.
I’d start with how my day went. Woke up at ten and my heart melted when there were loads of text from Molly. Well “Loads” is too much..perhaps about six..i think.
The text went like this. ^^ Sharing the love yo.
As the sun rises, I could hear the birds chirping ,melodiously. :) That was a short poem I made by myself like two months ago? Haha goodmorning pinochio?! Have a fruitful day ahead! Don’t forget to eat your breakf, lunch n dinner! Stay healthy bitch! :P and always be gooooood
Dragging my feets to work…………..what a drag>:] I see what you did there.
Having my fave food, cooooooookies now for breakf!! :D
Ok,gotta sign in for work now. Seeeee yoooooooou in a bit….i won’t be seeing you Molly <. < it’s a weekend…stop breaking ma heart.
And then I work up and replied. I know my replies are lame but deal with it. Accept me for who I am T^T
Im surprised you can text me while doing all this (I don’t get what I meant either) ;) ***** (Her sis’s name) Doesn’t mind you bringing her phone? (I meant bringing her phone to work) Morning! Anyways have a beautiful day Repunzel! J
“….have I ever misbehaved? (Her text looked like she’s saying that I misbehaved often which I TOTALLY Disagree. I’m a well behaved and well mannered Kid. Always have been and always will be) :D. Free breakfast at work? :s soo Syiok..” (Figured she got her Cooooooookies free at work…but I was wrong)
Haha that is multi-tasking’pinochio. J shes working with me. Well,who knows? (Abt me Misbehaving) Yup! Jealous nt? (Abt the Cooooooookies) bt the cookies is mine hor (She didn’t get it for free at work).”
Nvm inside aircraft there’s more choices of Cookies and Tib-Bits. (Cookies…two-Three Choices. Tib-Bits…depends on where the flight is headed to.) hmph jealous much? (Giving her pay back for cookies….yup) I didn’t know your sis works with you. Cool. You la always tell me to behave…like im always misbehaving like tht.
I told you edi? (Abt her sis working with her) You didn’t paid attention!? (I forgot! Gawd I’m sorry!) Wahhh take me some cooookiess preddy pls ;) (Just because she’s special to me, I’d take the risk of getting caught and getting fired….and…there better be a reward for this…:3 just kidding…but it’ll be cool if there is one tho…and I’m not asking for any form of repayment…WinkWink ;))
“…o . o maybe I forgot..teehee…Kk see first. J (But hey…I got her two packs of cookies…each containing two..and both are of diff flavors. One is Choc and the other is Oats and Honey….ew. x3)
Yup that’s part of what we texted and they’re….yup nvm ;3 Err oh yea, Her Oldest bro should be back so I wonder how’s things. Might ask her tmw. - .- shit happened and I don’t wanna talk abt it…not here at least. Errr yup nuthin else. Nights! :D

Feb 23 (Heart Warming Texts)

Feb 23rd
No School, No Free Time, No Chances of Seeing Molly today L
Lol but no, We’re still connected through messages which is still cool. It took her awhile to reply which kinda pushes me towards buying her anew phone and a Prepaid Sim card for her convenience use as her birthday present, Bhuut..we’ll see ;) And I’m getting Pampered with her Morning greetings. They’re sweet..and it didn’t really help in NOT missing you Molly. Gawd.
Oh yea..i wrote Molly on my Band which is preety swell.
Moving on, Molly didn’t work today for some reason….-_- She didn’t replied either since her mom went to johor with her sis. Which I believed to be her eldest Sis. She was at home..the whole day…and she ate Subway…while I ate aircraft food. Well on the bright side they’re still free so I can’t complain ;)
Her oldest bro will be returning back to Singapore today and she seems excited so I’m happy for her. Blum….badabom…bingchow! o 3o
“I’m glad you came into my life. “…Ikr? ;D
“I Promise to change into a better person for myself and the ones that are close to me. “…You promised.
“Please Don’t lose faith in me”…NEVER
“Don’t give up on me yet, Farid”….Never Doubted you…never have…Never will. Promise.
“I still need you here, Beside me Everyday”..Except on the weekends. X3
“Good Night Pinochio” -__- dammit.
Not sure abt lying..but…I don’t suppose my lies where that bad. I mean they weren’t serious lies. Well I suppose lies are still Alright compared to if I were cheating on her feelings. That is a nono farid. I’ll seriously Falcon Punch you if you Cheat on Molly’s Feeling >:( Not a Laughing matter Brah.
Don’t worry Farid..I won’t :D GAH She’s soooo Cute! xD
<. < yay! :D

Friday, 22 February 2013

Feb 22 (Pranked)

Feb 22nd
Today is a Friday and we don’t have any classes for this term. Didn’t get to meet her which is a disappointment. Since yesterday’s Dream, I’ve been missing molly. Damn me x3
She’s just a beautiful person both Personality and how looks. It’s hard not to Miss someone like her. I woke up at around twelve in the afternoon and was greeted by a sweet message from Molly. She told me that she finally found a bag she wants. It’s a Cheap Monday bag which is white and if I’m not mistaken it’s sorta like a side bag I suppose? Not sure what’s the Name of that type of bag. But YES she found it Online and bought it for $18 off a Local seller.
She also told me that she Misses me twice today and that Warms my heart alil ^__^ awwh Miss that Doobie. In the Afternoon, I was informed that she was Awarded for her Progression and Improvement in her Studies. I was also Awarded the Same thing however, In order for her to attain the Certificate and Bursary award, She’ll have to shake hands with the MP which is err……Community…Residential…Member…I suppose? :D I dunno! :D
I…wasn’t invited….Q__Q Idon’tCare…hmph..Q. Q
Proud of you Molly! :D
Tonight however, was also a ROllerCoaster Ride for this lilheart of mine. A Friend of mine told me that A friend of his is giving away Tickets for Universal Studios Singapore for only $25!! The Norm price for a Tixs is about $75-$80..i don’t know cuz I don’t bother with USS T^T. I was damn Excited and figured I’d invite Molly to go with me….However, It turned out to be a prank and…..All hope is lost. Damn F***ers!!! > .> I hate you people.
-_- Yeap. Well Missing Molly and Prolly won’t see her over the Weekends. I soo soo wanna go to school wit her this Monday cuz going to school alone is just BORING T^T.

Feb 21

21st February. The Day when we moved through our arguments. Today is also a day when I’m even more confused about my feelings about her. The Awkward feeling where me and my heart don’t see eye to eye. I felt that I’ve moved on with my feeling. Knowing that I’m over with the love I have for her but still want to treasure her a Precious Friend. The One friend where I truly wish to have for now and forever.
However, My heart tells me a different feeling which personally I don’t know how I felt about my feelings for her. Went to school alone today and it was the most boring part of the day. Sitting in the bus alone listening to music and having nobody at your side whom you could talk to or joke around with. I’m sick of going to school alone in an hour’s bus ride.
 During break time, we ate together at a newly opened cafeteria which is called “Central Delights” if I still remember it correctly. It’s “Nasi Ayam Penyek” isn’t that bad. She seems to enjoy playing the NDS games which I am Happy seeing her focus on the games.
She also wore her friendship band today which I’m still confused about. There’s much on my mind, On our friendship, On my family and of course on how Luna is acting lately. It’s hard to understand her with a heavy heart. When I asked her why she wore our friendship band, She told me something about because we argued the day before. I remember hearing that Arguments is just a normal event that shows that we’re growing closer and starting to understand each other. Maybe that’s what she meant. Even she can’t explain it. But I don’t want her to wear it. I want her to wear it when she truly trust me to be her friend. Then and there, will the friendship band truly mean something.
For me to wear it everyday is to help me remember her as my Pillar of Strength. At times when I feel worried or stressed, I’ll hold onto the Band, The Feeling of it kinda gives me a secure feeling, A feeling that helps assure me that everything will be fine. It helps me remember that I have Molly with me.
During our train ride back home, She talked about how Cute,Heavy,Fat bobby is. She also mentioned that Bobby has soft furs which honestly, I don’t think so. Bobby is a complete exact version of a real life Garfield. A Fat and Lazy cat. Only approaches you whenever he’s hungry. And whenever he wanna sleeps, he’ll be taking half of your bed space.
She also Mentioned how her cat has Gum Problems and smells alil. I gotta meet her cat and see him for myself. Molly, Bobby bites people just for the fun of it. He doesn’t scratch people which is good enough. He can’t even defend himself from a fight with Stray cats, How is he suppose to defend himself from a Human? ;)
When I got home, I took a nap which ended up with me Dreaming of Molly. The Dream Started with Me and Zi Cong. We were working together, I was in the company Van and he was driving. We were just driving around the Airport and chilling. Guess I kinda miss that dude. After that, I dreamt of her. The girl I wish to be with. The Girl I wanna see everyday. My Precious Girl, I dreamt of Molly and me in somewhere Peaceful. There’s no place like that in Singapore but I love that place. It was night time, The Floor is wet and the Street Lamps lights reflects on the puddles on the floor. It is surrounded by Chellet room on the second floor and shops on the ground floor. It was a peaceful place. Me and Molly were holding hands and we were just happy. Hell, even now I wish I’d return into that dream. We ended up in a clothing shop that’s like a branded shop. Bobby was there hiding in the shirts and I picked him up and carried him while we looked around the shop. After that the scene kinda changed into a train ride. I was in the MRT train with Molly. There were like 3-4 other people whom I felt like they were close to me and Molly. But I forgot their faces which proved that I don’t know them in real. We were all joking around and laughing. Molly however has short hair but she looks beautiful with it. Maybe these people might be our friends one day. We were all happy and I’d wish for that dream to come true. The Day when I’d be able to hold her hand and seek happiness with her. To laugh, To smile, To be happy. -__- now I wanna sleep again. 

Feb 20

Today was a roller coaster ride. It started off pretty fun. I picked her up and called her Repunzel  in a text message. “Repunzel oh Repunzel. Let down your hair so that I may climb to meet you J I’m here!” That was how I texted her. When she arrived, I was surprised when I first met her mom whom just sent Dania off to her school bus. I greeted her good morning and that was it. It didn’t end there though. I was worried that I might’ve said something wrong or rude but all was well in the end.
While waiting for the Train, Molly styled my hair with Wex that she brought along and It’s nice of her I suppose. It’s not always that a girl styled my hair so I suppose it’s cool.
She seems happy enough playing the Nintendo DS and I’m happy that she’s having fun. She should smile more. At class however, we can’t really do anything as Sam didn’t came and he’s suppose to coordinate the whole project as the Project was all based on his ideas so he has the Schematic s for  the Project. Mr Moner let us off to Sim Lim Tower on our own leisure to look for needed items for our projects which me and Molly then decided to use this “Leisure” to head off to Paya Labar to grab Breakfast. When we got there, We ate Nasi Ambang which was “Solid” from what Molly commented on it. It’s alright.
It was then that Patrick/Zhe Liang texted me and told me that Moner  cancelled the class after his so we’ll be able to go home at any time and most had already left. Molly can’t go home yet as her Mom would think she skipped class. So we decided to hang out after we ate.
Molly planned to Hangout at her eldest sister’s house which is in Newton. From what she told me, That house is unoccupied since the family lives with her parents. However, Her Sis is at work and the key is with her. So Chilling there won’t be an option. I then planned to use this time to invite Molly to my place and introduce her to my Granny. We agreed and so we went. When she got there, I served her as a guest as my grandmother spoke to her and asked for her help to Advice me on my attitude and behavior.
We then hung out in my room which she helped me with my Internet Connection problem. It didn’t go as planned but I ended up getting a different Connection. One that’s not as stable as the one I had before but what can I do? Thanks Molly. After that, I introduced her to my PS3 which she played Test Drive Unlimited 2. She played for awhile before I decided that Watching a Movie would’nt be that bad. So we watched Little Man.
Soon it was already about 2pm and we decided to leave for Semei . So we headed off. There, Molly cooked some Hotdogs for me which was “Solid”. We then Chilled with Dania at the playground and that was the first time I Met up with Dania.
It was there when Molly asked me some serious Questions that strongly affects our friendship and my feelings. She asked me why I’m being soo nice to her. Is it because I wanna be her friend or is it because I like her. If Its because I like her, It won’t be a genuine friendship as should my feelings fade I might leave her.
Its hard to respond to her question and at times I slipped my tongue saying out things that I wasen’t even sure of. If you’d asked me that, I’ll sacrifice my Feelings just so that I can accomplish my goals of making you happy. And I noticed that…Making her happy is just part of the Whole Picture. The Whole Picture is that I wanna be her friend. But for what reasons? I told her that I felt my love for her is fading. And what I failed to noticed at that point of time and what I failed to explain to her is that the Fading love is the Romance Love which Is fading. I’m slowly losing the Romance love I have for her. But to love her as a friend didn’t change. I still love her but it wasn’t a romantic love anymore. It was a friendship kind of love. Why did the Romance Love faded?
I suppose its because I was trying too hard and I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I want to share a genuine friendship. Me loving her makes her doubt that. Which is why I’m starting to lose the Romance Love I used to have for her. But I still love her as a friend and I will never want to leave her. My goals and dreams for her to be happy still stands and my promises of never ditching her is still Alive.
However its hard for her to believe me. As she been through a lot of broken promises and even I fucked it up once and ditched her. But that’s because I felt as if I’m just being a bother. Like as if I’m just a 3rd person between her friendship and Syafiq. It felt as if I don’t belong. Loving her is one thing…Fitting in is another. It didn’t felt right and after the SATs supervisor fucked it up, I felt as if she was avoiding me. So I suppose with all the heartache I had, I backed down.
I did my mistakes. But its not that I want to make that mistake. I regretted it. Even now, I don’t care if she don’t wish to trust me. All I care is that I want to make her happy. And I’ll push aside the issue of Trust between her and me.  I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that. Just being there for her will be enough.
So that’s that. I love Molly as a friend now and I’m sure of it. What few Romance love I still have for her will soon drain away. And we’ll be friends with no such romantic feelings for each other. It’s a sacrifice that my heart made on its own. It hurts now, But I doubt I’ll still feel the hurt in a week or so. I hope you understand Molly. Its hard for me to explain as I didn’t really understood myself. You didn’t understood because I failed to explain. But I hope this post will be enough. 

Feb 19

A lot of things happened today and so I’ll start off with how the morning went.
The night before, Molly and her family went for a Feast at East Coast for some Seafood dishes. It was after all her eldest sister’s birthday. And so they went and they enjoyed the food, While she was there, a “Cross-Dressing Dude” aka a Homosexual guy with Long hair and dresses up like a female would sat at the table beside her’s and her family’s.
Molly didn’t noticed anything until the “Dude’s” friend accidentally dropped something. Could be a Utensil, a Chicken or a Piece of Prawn. I forgot. And the “Dude” Screamed like how a Women would. We all can differentiate how a Male and a Female’s Scream sounds like. And lets just leave it at that ;)
And so Molly looked at “Him” and was shocked/Surprised  for a moment. She didn’t thought at the first glance that “She” was actually a “He”. Somehow along the way after Molly ignored “Him” She looked somewhere towards where he was sitting and HE noticed. Its sorta like he had a feeling someone was looking at him and so I suppose “He” glared/Stared at Molly.
Hell if you wouldn’t want someone to look at you at least be Normal. You’re a Telephone booth in the Middle of the Desert. A Black sheep in the center of a Herd of white sheep would make a better example but I still think the Telephone Booth is cooler. But back to the Main story, Be Normal if you don’t want people to look at you. Its common sense, Its just Human Nature. People WILL LOOK at things they’re not used to SEEING. Like if you saw a Meteorite, You’d be Shocked and you’ll remember it for the rest of the Year maybe for the rest of your life. Thing is, You’ll Look, Because you’re not gonna see a Meteorite on a daily basis. Its Damn Rare.
You WILL look. Nobody will be noticing a Meteorite and be like…”Oh it’s a Meteorite…cool” and look away. Its just not RIGHT!. What I’m trying to say is, You can’t blame people for looking at you. Because they’ll look at you as you’re different!. You’re a Dude wearing Chick cloths. I’m not one to judge people by who they are and how they show/express themselves but don’t go blaming others for looking at you. Its something you’ll have to be prepared for and Accept for as long as you’re Different then “SOCIETY”.
Well back to the story, Molly ignored the “Dude” who glares at her and just forget about it. What I was  told of her dad is that he’s not one who you’ll easily be close with. He has that “Stand Alone” Personality. Her dad, Is sorta like my uncle. He’s there…but you’ll never truly feel like he’s there. Like a Living Doll to put it plainly.
And so he really didn’t liked following others to family bonding outings, I think so, Not sure. Molly and her family thought of buying him (Her Father) Some fried Noodles but unfortunately, The Store was closed so they really didn’t have any other choices but to go home empty handed with a Full stomach.
When they got home, Her dad was like Sad. He asked Molly’s Mom.
Dad: Where did you guys went to?
Mom: We went to have dinner at East Coast.
Dad: And you didn’t bought anything for me? Any food?
I figured at this point her mom was Speechless or maybe she did responded with..
Mom: The Store which sells Fried Noodles was closed.
You know what? Molly you’ll be the one reading this so you’ll prolly remember what happened x3 I’m not gonna Type down the Whole scenario of what happened. It happened to you and its not like I’m posting for anyone else to read J
Moving on, During class I managed to teach her alil on PLC Controls which we use the TWIN CAT software to run our programs and test it out. She did pretty well and I’m more determined to ensure that she’ll understand the whole idea of PLC one day. I’m sure of it and it’s a promise. Maybe one day Me and Her would be able to just chill out at Changi Airport and study together. I’ll be able to teach her On ABB stuffs and PLC Controls and she’ll teach me on Robotics Theory.
Oh yea and I landed her my Nintendo DS which she enjoyed playing and I’m sure Dania will too. Seeing her smile while she’s playing it is kinda cute and it warms my heart. 
But she also did say that I deserve better girls. Girls prettier then her. In my heart I knew that she was the only one I want.  She’s beautiful inside and outside in my opinion and I just love her. She’s precious to me so yea. She Deserves better and I wanna be that guy who’ll make her happy. The Dude who shares a Friendship band with her and…hehe hopefully, the gu y who shares the same couple ring with her and soon, A Wed lol! J maybe, It’ll be a dream come true for me then.
That’s that for this post and I’ll have more to update ;) Night Molly. Still having you in my heart. I did say I’ve written your name in my heart and forever it’ll stay. I still mean it and it still means something to me over the past two weeks we’ve been close friends. I wonder what to tomorrow brings.

Feb 18

Well looks like I still suck at pretending. Molly Found out that I like her but. Thankfully, All is well as she and I are still friends. Closer perhaps. I made a promise to her that I won’t ditch her and I made a promise to myself that I’ll put her before my feelings. Her happiness is everything to me. I also felt like I foist the friendship band to her. And she became honest to me that she still don’t trust me that well and she’s half heartedly wearing the Band.
I am to blame as I felt like I kinda forced her to wear it. She didn’t wanted to hurt me thus wore it without any second thoughs. I told her that it’s alright if she stops wearing the friendship band until she finally trust me one day. I respect that and I also felt like she needed more time. I left her once…and it’s a mistake I’ve regretted.
I personally asked that I’d take the band off her wrist. It pains me while I untied the band and took it off her. Those few seconds were painful. But it is part of the sacrifices I have to make. I have myself to blame. For should I had not left her once, things would’nt turn out this way. I suppose I’ve still much to do to gain her trust. Trust between us is vital for if I am to make her happy.
You can’t be happy with someone you don’t trust. It doesn’t make sense. She’d been through a lot and I suppose she disserves better. No matter, One thing I’ve learnt from getting close to her is to have Faith. To keep my hopes up. And keep on believing. For giving up will never be an option in our friendship.
She wrote a post for me on her tumblr.  She told me about the post. For she prayed to god to have her love me. Somehow, I felt like it wasn’t right somehow. I don’t want you to force yourself to love me just to make me happy. I want you to love me because you know loving me will make you happy.
I’ve come to push my feelings aside and focus on my main Goals. Molly deserves to be happy. And I want to see her Letting out tears of Joy before I can finally be at ease. I want to get her something special for her birthday. Something that I’ve never given someone as a gift before. I want my birthday gift to her to be something special. Something that shows her I truly love her. But for now, Seeking her love isn’t important. Like always, her happiness is.
I’ve decided on buying her a Doc Martin’s Tessles Loafers which cost around $240-$260. It’ll be the most expensive gift I’ve bought for a special person like Molly. And only Molly alone deserves such a gift for she has done soo much for those she love. I don’t want any form of repayment. Just a smile is enough for me Molly. J Its hard enough to have you understand how honest I am about making you Happy. Its hard enough to make you understand that most of my efforts isen’t for my love to you. But they were for your happiness all along. You may not believe that, But it’s the truth. And I can’t find any way to prove it. Hopefully, My Efforts will be enough to prove to you. I don’t need you to be in a relationship with me. I don’t need your love, all I need is you to be happy.
I know I sound like a Miserable guy. But that’s how I feel and I think that’s enough. If you’re reading this molly, Know that I love you and though this sounds corny, I can’t ever pass a day when I’ve stopped thinking about you. For everyday, You’re on my mind. Thinking of you warms my heart. And the best part. Seeing your beautiful smile is all the joy I’ve ever wanted.  Love Farid.

Feb 16

Since I didn’t meet Molly today nor skyped with her, Obviously I can’t post about what we did together for the day’s Post. So I’ve Planned for the days where there’s nothing to post about, I’ll post about my feelings for her. J
I’ll call it, the Weekend trip to my Feelings. Yuppy.
To start off, I’d say that I love Molly. But it isen’t a friendship kind of love. Its Romance. And I fear that it’s just one of those love where the feeling will soon calm down and it won’t be called love. There’s a lot of things I love about Molly. Mainly, Her personality. She’s a Goody Good Friend, An exciting fella to be around (Once you get to know her) and she’s funny (At times Annoying) ;). A Sense of warmth to my heart whenever I see her smile. Which comes to me loving her Lovely smile.
Though, Sometime I felt like she’s faking her smiles. Molly had been through a lot of Painful Friendships and Relationships which I suppose I felt like the Need to make it up to her.  I swear that the only things I’ve been thinking about are mainly to figure out how to make her happy. How to make her smile and How to make her laugh.
I’m not one who can make someone laugh. Maybe if I try hard enough, I’ll only be making fun of myself with Corny jokes or Comments. That’s the  Most I can come up with. What my older sis has, The Outgoing personality and how she can make someone laugh, I lack in what she has.
I find it weird that I’m putting in a lot of effort in making someone happy. To put someone before me is new to me. For during my past relationships, I’ve never cared to make such efforts. I suppose that makes Molly special to me. Even I don’t get why I’m doing all the things to make her happy.
I don’t wish for her to know of my feelings for I worry that it’ll cause some….Awkwardness or Misunderstandings in our Friendship. For that, I’m Sacrificing my true feelings for her just to make her happy. She’s happy enough to just be my friend and I suppose I should be happy. Though it pains me to keep my true feelings hidden from her, I’d do whatever it takes to make her happy.
And I can’t risk taking any chances of finding out what might come should she knows of my true feelings.
I love Molly’s Pure Loyalty to her friendship. I know she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her friendship. But somewhere along her friendships, She changed. From what she told me, She stopped caring for those who don’t seem to deserve her friendship. For those who don’t deserve her love. If she loves someone, Boy she’ll love them.
I’m disappointed to hear of how people don’t appreciate the love she gave them. Molly’s a bright girl, A friendly person. But after what people did to her, She changed. I’d hope of changing her the way she way. To make Molly care again. To make Molly believe that true friendship that last forever does exist with the right friends.
Which is why changing her and making her happy comes first. I’ll be able to withstand the ache that comes when I keep my feelings hidden. It’s a Sacrifice I’ll make for her happiness.
Why am I keeping my Feelings hidden? Well…I suppose it’s the fear of losing her. For the Awkwardness that comes should I confess my love, She’ll leave. I don’t want that to happen. Molly’s the only one that keeps me going. Keeps me strong and Optimistic. Thinking about her smiles and her tears keeps me focus of my main Objective. Her Happiness! :D

Friday, 15 February 2013

Feb 15 (Pool's Draw) Part 2

Since this Evening, I've been chatting with Molly through Skype. It was just a normal conversation which ended with a game of 8-Ball pool on miniclip which we both draw on a 7-7 score.
I enjoyed her company as always ;)