The day was when i was awarded "Jerk Of The Day"
Close to fucking up but it was me taking a fall.
Picked her up and had a Normal Walk to the Station. Pretty Normal and didn't expected the least the day would end in disaster. I was pretty much about to enter the Gates of Oblivion and Coming out an AssO.
She talked about how excited she was about getting her new bag which is a Cheap Monday white Side bag with the Cheap Monday Skull-Like Mascot on it. And it was another Normal Train Ride to school. Still didn't expect i was about to enter the gates of Ob yup.
it was in school while i had my Smoke Break when i received a word of warning that my Bursary Money would be collected by "Someone" and i was warned. Pretty Disappointed but i sucked up all my sorrow and sadness up.
While in class, Molly was enjoying herself teasing me with the finger and calling me a bitch. Figured that it was her way of Cooling off somehow and i don't mind. Buttt i took a step alittle too far for my legs to catch on. I called her a Bitch. Just playing around of coarse She didn't like that one bit. It was wrong of me to call her a bitch for she's a "Girl" and for me to call her a bitch is alil too much. We didn't talked much and again...I was disappointed with myself. God really, I've been disappointed with myself over alot of things. And they weren't just small things either. They were dick moves that i made.
I figured that if i'd acted normal, she'll cool down. Didn't work, She's still pissed off with me. So i thought...maybe my surprise for her might cheer her up alil. We had lunch at Kofu but after settling our plates on the table, i excused myself to the toilet. Actually i was also feeling damn fucked up about my Bursary probs and felt like breaking down plus the damn Disappointed feeling with myself, I could've broke down but i tried hard to swallow it down.
So i went quickly to the new Yogurt shop and grabbed two err...can't remember the name of that ice-cream-type of-Yogurt. But i surprised her and she cheered up. After that, We smoked at our usual under the void deck peaceful spot and i opened up to her my probs with the Bursary thingy. It was all cool and all and we got together well i suppose....o .o;
Alright totally random Moving On.
Ermmmmm. The Drums, Cheap Monday We were in the Library and i listened to her past while she was with "M" It wasn't a sweet story to begin with. Her part was but "M" was kinda a Jerk. Didn't like her one bit that "M"..Not Molly...the Other "M"....yupp
Err Fast Forward and i raised my voice to her when i forced her to answer a question she can't answer. Dick move Bro...Dick Move. I feel like a Bitch now. Seriously.....BITCH..ME BITCH.
Cried in the Train cuz i can't hold everything together. All the things i swallowed hard to suck it up came out like Puke. Can't stop it and it all came out in tears. I couldn't control my anger and raised my voice......I HATE MYSELF...REALLY I DO. FUCK MY LIFE. SOO DAMN EMOTIONAL. WHO THE HELL RAISE THEIR VOICE TO SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT. WHAT KINDA GUY AM I? I'M A PUSSY THAT'S WHO. A DAMN PUSSY COWARD. -_______- Disappointment Disappointment.