March 8, Friday. No Class, No Plans and i was just sitting on my ass after waking up at 2pm and overslept after planning to head over to friday prayers. A Sin of Complacent that i'll have to atone for. So there i was at about 3pm with nothing on my mind. Bored to death, Used to the Ps3 games and got bored of it all. nothing to do on the internet that i cared to waste/Spend my time on. Before today, My phone's batt was already dead the night before and i came home late at abt 3am+. I Charged my phone (Without turning it on), Took a shower and hit the sack, Only to wake up at 2pm.
When i finally turned on my phone, all the messages came in. And most of them was from Marly and some from Billy. Billy invited me to Friday prayers and all and Marly, She was worried for me for i didn't replied to her messages as i both my phone and i was already dead/sleeping.
"U Hme yet?"
"Since im nt e first person to wish you on your birthday tday, i wanna b e last person to wish u then! Happy m18 *****(My name)! Hope u have had a gr8 day tday birthday boy! Goodnight n have a lovely dreams..:)"
"Need u now..:(" For this text, when i read it i was like...Shit..i wasn't there for her when she needed me. I felt guilty and apologized afterwards.
"Afternoon! I was so Worried for you yesterday! I thought you were Kidnapped or your h/p went missing! Never do that again!" It was sweet of her to be worried for me. Because Honestly, After all she been though with her last few bad friendships, I didn't think she'd care about any more of her friends. So i wasn't really expecting any sweet texts or sweet efforts from her for my birthday. Yes i know its my birthday and all but she could've just bought me presents and that's just it. I mean that's the most you could've did for if you didn't care that much.
But for her case, she went through alot of trouble for my birthday. From making a Clay Fruit Face sculpture art piece to Writing a Long sweet letter (Gonna Post in the Future), To start wearing the friendship band for two days now, To buying Movie tixs for us both and to buying a choc cupcake for me. She even fed me tho...gotta say that made my heart skip a bit. And not to forget giving me a hug. I know it dosn't sound much but it really meant alot to me.
Also i'm gonna be straight out on this one. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with befriending someone who has a crush on her and only wants to befriend her just because he still has feelings for her. Those kinds of Friendship might go two ways. The guy might lose his feelings and back away, As in throw away their friendship and became strangers just because he dosn't want to be heartbroken anymore. I did that once and i regretted it the first time.
Or the Guy could just Suck it up and be friends with the Girl. Keeping his Feelings hidden deep in his heart and hoping that one day, That feeling might fade away and they'll still be friends. Genuine friends. Best friends. It sounds like Friendzone and its exactly how i define the Term of being "Friendzoned" but i just felt like, well before i want her to be happy. Her happiness meant everything to me. Putting myself nowhere in my mind and its just her everyday. Hoping to be able to make her laugh and smile and be happy. At the same time not giving a damn care about my own self being. i tried turning myself into a robot, Reprogramming myself to be someone im not, Someone capable of making her happy. But in truth, That isen't what she wanted and its actually wrong.
So to make it Genuine, i sucked it up and tried to be myself. To Change myself at the same time of being honest and understanding, Calm for the most part. To really be myself with her, i noticed some...flaws? in being myself? I am harsh with the way i speak. If i speak to her in english, i'm calm for the most and i tried and i'm not saying i am but i tried being someone of basic Manners and to be formal to whom i speak to while speaking in english.
If i started to speak in malay however, I kinda think i sound like a "MatRep". Cursing from time to time. Perhaps its from Secondary school where i mixed around with those kind of friends. Well its not wrong i suppose but its rude if you're speaking to a lady. But hell she's a kickass girl what does she care? ahahahahlololo but anyways...getting lost in what i'm suppose to post here ohhhh right. Back to the story...wow.
lmao i get lost in thought when i'm typing this most. Maybe this might even be the longest post with all the Bullshit from my heart that i flood into here.But while sitting on my ass, texting molly and telling her about how my phone was dead and how i was dead in sleep, She forgived me and she invited me to go jogging with her around semei where she lived. So we went and we jogged. While we jogged she told me that......
Alright i've really gotta put in a Part two for this post. This is getting too damn long. PArt 2! :D